Page 56 of Savior

Kate’s marriage falling apart.

I’d gotten the Son’s message, loud and clear. Now, it was time to send one of my own.

No one messed with my children.

Chapter Twelve

Mike

When I was six, my pet hamster died. We hadn’t had him for more than a year, but as it was my first real experience with death, I bawled like a baby over it.

When Comedian found me in the backyard, blubbering about Mr. Pickles, he knocked me onto my ass for it. He told me that real men didn’t cry like little bitches because they had problems, and they damn sure never showed their emotions.

It seemed I was always the smaller kid growing up. For better or worse, the old man’s words of wisdom had saved me from getting my ass kicked by schoolyard bullies on more than one occasion.

Until tonight, I hadn’t realized that it had also left me emotionally stunted, no better than a child in a man’s body. I’d spent the better part of my thirty-four years with an almost nonexistent degree of self-awareness and a complete lack of empathy for anyone around me.

I was the perpetual victim of my own circumstances.

At tonight’s twelve-step meeting, I’d finally made the connection and promptly lost my shit, crying my eyes out in a room full of addicts.

Surprisingly, I hadn’t felt like a pussy, even after sobbing on Angel’s shoulder. I felt like the man I’d always been meant to be, a man that deserved Lauren Santiago-McGuire-Sullivan-Quinn—fuck, we’d figure out the last names later.

When I grow up, I’m gonna be one of the good guys…

As crazy as it sounded, for the first time in my life, I felt like maybe I could be.

“I’ve been completely clean and sober for thirty days,” I said to the brake lights on the car in front of me, rehearsing the speech I’d been writing in my head since leaving the meeting.

In a room full of strangers, I’d only seen her face as I recounted my addictions and what they’d cost me, imagining exactly what I’d say to her if I ever got the chance.

I hadn’t wanted to see it, but I’d shown her just what she meant to me when I chose to use again. And, as much as it hurt knowing that she was going through her pregnancy alone, I had no one to blame but myself.

The bridge of my nose burned with unshed tears. From the moment she came into the world, Lauren had never had any other choice but to be a fighter. Her actions had saved both of our asses the night the Sons showed up, but it wasn’t fair.

She’d been my compass when I lost my way, time and time again, always there to guide me back home. I smirked at the imagery, knowing there was no way in hell I’d be able to admit that to her and keep a straight face.

I should’ve been her protector.

As her husband, it fell to me to keep her safe. Instead, she had always been the one to save me, pulling me back from the brink when it felt like all was lost.

According to Angel, she was preparing to do it again by taking out the men who’d shot my father. The same men who’d sent eight bikers to try to kill her on New Year’s Eve.

The old me would’ve already gone in, guns blazing, just like I’d done after her mother was killed. I would’ve begged her to stay out of it under some delusion that I was saving her. In reality, all I’d be doing was trampling over everything she’d built.

The light turned green, and the car ahead of me began moving again. I fought to sort my jumbled ideas into something resembling a coherent thought as I pressed down on the accelerator.

What could I say that I hadn’t already?

How was I going to prove to her that I’d changed?

I ran a hand over my face, shocked again by the strange feeling of bare skin underneath my fingertips, wondering if I’d ever get used to it.

“Lauren, I know that my word doesn’t mean shit—Fuck, I need you to know that I’ve changed and I’m one hundred percent committed to us. Goddammit!” I roared, slapping the steering wheel in frustration.

Why was this so hard?

I’d prided myself on my ability to sweet-talk any woman on earth, but this was Lauren. She’d see my pretty words as nothing more than bullshit before slamming the door in my face.

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