Page 25 of Protector

Now that he knew the depths his enemies would go to, he wanted to listen; but letting him back in would turn the girls’ world upside down. Not only that, but he couldn’t even look at me with anything other than guilt and regret. Every time I stared into his blue eyes, I would be reminded of the violence I’d suffered because he’d gotten cocky.

I’d be forced to battle my demons, and his.

All while the men who abused me got away with it.

With a deep breath, I steeled my spine and got to my feet while he remained on his knees beneath me. “I think you should go…”

“Don’t do this, Celia,” his hands connected with my knees. “Let me fix it.”

Ignoring the ache in my chest, I raised my chin and said the only thing I could; the one thing that would save us all. “I’m not sure if they told you when you got here, but I paid my debt. You didn’t need to come back.”

He was on his feet in a second, towering over me. “Don’t,” he warned. “Don’t fuckin’ say it. You were never a debt—”

“Yet, you collected. Not only that, but you reminded me constantly that we were nothing. So, as I said, I think you should go. There’s nothing for you here.”

Jamie was close enough that I could see the tears as they formed and spilled over onto his cheeks. It only left me with a sense of jealousy.

Why wasn’t he broken like me?

“Darlin’, you don’t mean that. We built a life… a family—”

“I built a life and a family while you were off with your club,” I hissed. “You don’t get to come in now to try to be a part of it. I want you to leave—”

“No, goddammit! This is important—”

“The only things that are important to me are inside that house. Go back to your club, Jamie.” Avoiding his eyes, I turned toward the door. I wanted nothing more than to run inside and hide out in my bed, but I had to be strong.

“Just like that, huh?” I looked back as he ran a hand through his hair and began pacing again. “You’re gonna file for divorce after eleven years? Like it didn’t mean shit to you?”

I took a deep breath, fighting to hold onto my resolve. “I don’t need a divorce…”

“Thank Christ.”

“You’re already dead, so I’ll settle for being a widow. It’s over.” I quickly walked inside, ignoring the painful sound of him gasping for air.

He didn’t come after me.

I paced the house, too keyed up for sleep.

I alternated between hoping he’d believed my lies, to wanting to take back my every word. The tremors that had been confined to my hands now spread throughout my entire body until I lay shaking on the couch.

I’d torn open his chest and ripped out his heart under some delusional idea that I was saving us.

All of us.

At the angry rumble of Jamie’s bike firing up and speeding off into the night, I let out the breath I’d been holding since walking away from him.

He was gone.

I didn’t know how long I laid there, haunted by my actions, and second-guessing my decision before deciding to get some sleep.

A shudder passed through my body as I stared into the dark master bedroom. Without the drugs to numb me, I was a coward who was suddenly afraid of the dark and had been sleeping on the couch.

I snagged an afghan off the back of the recliner and wrapped it around my shoulders before going into the girls’ room.

The sound of their deep breathing filled the air as I settled into the old armchair where I’d nursed and kept them safe. It gave me peace. I might not have been able to save myself, but they would come out of this unscathed.

In the end, that was all that mattered.

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