Page 88 of Deserter

I looked up at him in surprise. “You’re timing my contractions?”

The windshield wipers scraped across the glass with a groan and he lowered the speed before glancing over at me. “Yeah, the fuckin’ book said to keep track of it. As long as we don’t dip below five minutes, we’ll be golden.”

I couldn’t stop myself from blurting out, “Is that what you did for her? Timed contractions and took her to the hospital? Is that why she wanted you to stay at the clubhouse?”

Jamie moved his hand off my knee and tightened it around my fingers. “Look at me, babe.” I reluctantly brought my eyes back up to meet his.

“I had nothing to do with her when she was knocked up. Nothing. Didn’t drive her to the hospital. Didn’t read a fuckin’ pregnancy book. I denied that the kid was mine until after he was born. One look at him and I just knew.”

“Why didn’t she want you to come with me?”

He sighed and turned the speed on the wipers up as the glass began to frost up again before returning his hand to mine. “Comedian wasn’t with her when she had Mikey.”

“Does he know?”

He shook his head but remained silent.

“I don’t know much about the club, but he seems like a good man; at least, he’s always been that way to me.”

Jamie laughed and shook his head. “Damn, darlin’, you fuckin’ see the good in everyone, don’t you?”

Another contraction bore down on me and I squeezed his fingers like a vice before crying out. They were getting stronger.

Up to this point they’d been comparable to bad menstrual cramps. Now, it was as if my body was being ripped apart from the inside. More fluid gushed from between my legs and I realized that Yiayia’s dress was the least of my worries. The passenger seat was never going to be the same.

“You got this, baby. Breathe,” Jamie commanded calmly, with no regard to the safety of his hand.

I let my head fall back against the seat as soon as the pain let up, sweat beading along my brow. “Sorry about your hand,” I panted, earning another laugh in response.

“Not fuckin’ worried about my hand. I’m worried about my girl.” He coaxed the speedometer up and I frowned at him.

“Jamie—” The sleet was now steadily coming down. I’d picked the absolute worst time to have a baby.

“That last contraction makes them five minutes apart, Celia. I ain’t gonna cause a wreck, but I need to get you to the hospital.”

I closed my eyes and nodded, suddenly exhausted. “Jamie, when you saw me in the hallway you knew that I knew. Why didn’t you come after me? Why would you leave me with her?”

He ran his thumb along the back of my hand. “I thought I’d give you your space—”

“No.” I opened my eyes and sat up with a low groan. “You don’t get to run away every time something goes wrong! You messed up, Jamie. You should’ve come to me with this!”

“Stop yelling at me, Celia. It’s not fuckin’ helping!” He snapped in return.

“I want you to come after me like I came after you,” I cried. “What’s so hard about that? You don’t make your partner handle the heavy stuff by themselves. If you love someone—” The truth of my words hit me, and I clapped my hand over my mouth to stop the rest from coming out.

He didn’t love me.

He felt obligated to me.

The next contraction may have been centered in my lower abdomen, but I felt every bit of it in my heart. My breaths came out in little whimpers and I wondered why I was so surprised.

I’d gone after a man whose lifestyle was the opposite of mine in every way and expected him to be capable of an emotion like love. Why couldn’t I have just kept my mouth shut? Why couldn’t I just be content with him being there?

Jamie squeezed my hand. “We’re here. Breathe, baby. In and out. It’ll be over soon. Look at me.”

I did and he lifted my hand to his lips. “You want me to stop seeing Mikey, I will.” His eyes sparkled with unshed tears and my heart cracked a little more. “I don’t wanna do anything to fuck this up. You are the most important thing in my life.”

I winced again and grabbed the front of his shirt, panting, “You are not giving up your son, but you will never be alone with her again. Promise me.”

---