Page 46 of Traitor

My heart lodged somewhere in my throat, but I managed to answer, “No. I, um, haven’t seen—” The tears began falling again and I looked down into my lap. Forget teleportation. I’d take the floor swallowing me whole right about now.

It had to be a historical documentary.

My heart was in a vice tonight, with every event putting just a little more pressure on it. I didn’t know how much more I could take before the chambers caved in.

Jimmy switched the television off as I began balling like a lunatic again. “Okay—we could play a card game. Or read a book.”

I sniffled and rubbed at my eyes. “I’m sorry, Jimmy. We can watch the movie. See, I’m fine now.”

It didn’t escape his notice that tears still ran like a river down my face. The television clicked back on, but he mashed buttons on the remote until an infomercial filled the screen. “Let’s try this.”

I tried to discreetly wipe away the remaining tears while nodding. “Sure.”

Silence filled his house again, minus the random sounds Puck made as he dreamed from the end of the couch. I leaned against Jimmy’s arm, ashamed of my reaction. What if it was going to be like that with every guy? What if he really had broken me permanently?

“Jimmy?” I asked quietly and he muted the television before leaning down.

“Yeah?”

I swallowed nervously. “You said you’d been here before—um, did you ever talk to your fiancée—or ex-fiancée— about things? Like to try and work it out? Or maybe just gain closure?”

Jimmy’s jaw tightened and his nostrils flared, but this time it had nothing to do with desire. “Uh…” His mouth twisted up, as if the words in his mouth pained him. “She died, Lauren.”

I didn’t know what to say—I was up to my eyeballs in my own grief and the one thing I never wanted to hear was an apology. So, I kept my mouth shut and gripped his arm a little tighter, feeling like the world’s biggest asshole.

“Does it get better?” I whispered, even though my heart had already given me the answer.

He clenched his jaw again before responding. “I’m still waiting…”

That was when I knew that Mike was going to be in my blood forever. I’d given him my heart and until he gave it back, I was enslaved to him.

“Good morning and we’re back with a product that I think you’re all going to love. Tired of caked-on food?”

I blinked slowly until the television screen came into focus. Then, I blinked again for good measure. Everything looked unfamiliar until I remembered that I was at Jimmy’s. His arm rested on my thigh, while my head was tucked underneath his chin. Puck still snored heavily from the other end of the couch.

One glance at my watch and I was immediately up and racing to find my clothes.

Puck was right behind me in an instant, quickly followed by Jimmy. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

I pulled my leggings on as I answered, “I have an appointment this morning at eight. I’m running really late and I still have to get my car and bag from the gym.” I growled in frustration.

I swore that I wasn’t going to oversleep, knowing that I had to go down to the station and ask them to formally reopen Monica’s case. Yet, here I was, running around like a moron because I didn’t set an alarm.

Jimmy watched me amusedly as I scurried back and forth, trying to make sure I had everything I needed. “I’ll give you a ride back to the gym.”

I nodded distractedly and laced up my shoes. I was suddenly feeling a little nervous at the prospect of going down to the station without any ideas about who the mole might be.

We drove to the gym in silence. This time around, Jimmy’s hand remained on the steering wheel and nowhere near me. I turned to him as he pulled into a parking spot close to the front doors. “Will we—I mean, can we still work out together? Or is that weird now?”

He stared ahead through the windshield as he responded, “I think as long as we’ve made the decision to just be friends, it’s fine. If we’re going to go back and forth on it, it’d probably be best if we ended it now.”

I nodded. “That’s fair. I wish it could be you, you know? You’re a good guy.”

He unbuckled and opened the door. “And Mike’s not a good guy?”

I climbed out and followed him inside the gym. “There’s a lot of gray area when it comes to him,” I puffed my cheeks out before exhaling loudly. “That about sums it up.”

I couldn’t say anymore without putting myself in an even more uncomfortable position. I’d reached the locker room before it dawned on me that Jimmy was still here. “Are you going to help me get ready too?” I asked with a small laugh.

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