Page 40 of Hold my Reins

“You don’t think I have considered what will happen, what options there are? I don’t want my friends to be hurt. I don’t want to be the one hurting them. And I don’t want to hurtyou.” Being ordered to kill Rox would destroy him. He hadn’t been able to protect his herd, but he might be able to protect his boyfriend. “Promise me you won’t fight for me.”

Rox glanced at him. “Do you really want me to make that promise?”

He didn’t, and he knew Rox wouldn’t. He didn’t deserve a human boyfriend like him.

“What else can I do?” He tugged at the chain, willing it to snap. “I cannot fight him; all I can do is obey. I do not want to kill for him or protect him when others try to kill him. I don’t want to run his errands or convince people to take less money. I don’t want to harass them and threaten them for more money either.”

All things he had done in the past because he had no choice. Living in the human world had allowed him to determine his own fate, but how many would trust him if they learned what he had done?

How many would still call him a friend?

Even in the monster world, others feared kelpies because they believed that violence lived in their hearts, seeking only the smallest crack to come out. And while it was true that they were fierce warriors when protecting their herd and worse when bridled, it was telling that their captors only used them for violence. Not for music or fishing or searching for gold or any of the other things they were capable of. No, the only reason people bridled kelpies was because they wanted a loyal assassin who’d never turn the blade on them.

He expected Rox to change his mind about coming around for dinner. Rox deserved better than a monster who had spent a decade with bloody hands. He didn’t want to be that monster either. That wasn’t who he was, only who he was ordered to be. But so many people believe the lies that the bridle revealed what was otherwise hidden.

Rox pulled up out the front of the cafe. He’d been silent for too long.

“I understand if…you don’t want to…” Lynck couldn’t finish the sentence. He closed his eyes, but all he saw was the frost giant in the auto repair shop. The cold glare and the reminder that he belonged to someone else.

“Don’t want to what? Help you? See you again? None of this is your fault, and I don’t hold you responsible for what you were ordered to do.”

“I’m pretty sure that in the human world, following orders is no excuse.”

“It wasn’t just an order. You had no choice but to obey because of the magic?” Rox stared at him as if he needed confirmation that he was understanding everything correctly.

And maybe if he was a better monster, he’d lie and tell Rox that he had a choice, and then Rox might stay away from him and be safe. But the lie didn’t form.

“When I am given an order, it is a compulsion. A need that must be fed. At first, I resisted with my mind and body, but when the bridle burned, my body began to obey despite my mind’s resistance, which made me clumsy, and I got hurt. So I stopped fighting, and I began completing the order to avoid the pain of the burn and injuries.” Lynck studied his hands the way he had so many times, wondering how they betrayed him so easily. “I am not a good monster.”

“You are because you don’t want to be that person. That person was never you. You were surviving. Andwewill find a solution. We will stop Bothvar.”

Lynck laughed, but it was cold and dark like the depths of the lake. “You think no one has tried before? There is a reason he keeps bridled kelpies around him.”

“To kill would-be assassins,” Rox said as if he understood exactly how people like Bothvar operated.

No one could fight and win against kelpies compelled to defend until their last breath. Few assassins were paid well enough to die for the cause. But bridled kelpies had no choice.

“To compel you, he needs to be in the human world. And he can’t bring an army through the portal.”

“Do not tell the military. Please. They will send me through because I am not a monster of good character. My visa will be revoked, and I will not be allowed back through.”

“What if we told the military that some frost giants are planning on making trouble?”

Lynck shook his head. “They will not get involved in monster politics. They do not care that he controls trade.”

“They should care about the way he takes slaves, especially if he’s coming to the human world to collect them.”

“Why would they when many monsters call it culture, and some might say that bridled kelpies are safer because they cannot act on their own worst instincts? Not everyone likes kelpies, Rox. Even the towns we traded with were wary because the lie has been repeated enough times to become truth. Even in your human world, you have tales of kelpies who do nothing but seduce and drown.”

Rox’s lips curved. “Well, you are very good at the former.”

“I’m also far too good at the latter.”

Rox was silent for what felt like hours but was only seconds. “We can’t sit around and wait for Bothvar to show up and summon you back to the monster world.”

They should because running around and trying to prepare was only wasting what time he had left. “I want to spend my remaining time living and enjoying everything this world offers so I have some memories to hold close.”

Rox shook his head, a few strands of his dark blonde hair slipping out of the elastic. “No. I refuse to quit.”

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