Page 41 of Hold my Reins

Lynck exhaled. “You cannot fight against the inevitable. You cannot break the chain even with your human tools. And I cannot resist orders. So what does that leave?”

Rox frowned. “I don’t know.”

“You will not waste your life to protect mine. Mine was surrendered a long time ago. That I have had a few years’ gracehas been more than I dared to hope for.” He lifted Rox’s hand and brought his fingers to his lips. “I will see you tonight for dinner?”

“You will.”

But if Rox changed his mind, Lynck wouldn’t hold that against him.

“Why are you acting so okay with this?”

“Because I’ve been afraid for so long, too scared to live in case I drew attention. He will come, and I don’t need to live with that fear. I am angry that it is happening, and I wanted to be angry with you for helping me. But raging against the unfairness will only push you away and eat me from the inside. Anger didn’t help me the first time.”

Rox swallowed. “You sound like my mother when the cancer came back. First time, she was angry, and she fought with everything. The second time…” He glanced away and swiped at his eyes. “She went through the treatments, but she was resigned to the outcome. She said she was at peace either way.”

“I am not at peace.” He wanted to rage and fight. “I need to swim after work. Can you come an hour later?”

“You don’t want me there.”

“I do not need you to wait on the shore for me.” But he wanted Rox there. He wanted to believe that Rox would always be there even when he couldn’t say the same.

When Bothvar dragged him back to the monster realm, the life he wanted to live would be out of reach. But Rox would survive and remember him. He might find another monster to date. He’d have other boyfriends and find the love he deserved.

Lynck leaned over and kissed his cheek, knowing that he needed to treasure these moments. “I will see you for dinner.”

nineteen

Dinner didn’t have the same vibe as when Lynck cooked. It didn’t seem to matter what they talked about; it seemed superficial to Rox. Like when Mom and he had talked about anything but the cancer, the treatments, and the bills. As if by not acknowledging they existed, they’d disappear. It was a lovely fantasy that he wanted to fall into, but he’d lived it once and couldn’t live again.

And if Bothvar didn’t show up?

Would they spend the next year, the next five years, the next ten years waiting?

He wasn’t sure he could live while holding his breath. But he didn’t want to walk away either.

It was the familiar stuck feeling…the reason he’d spent the last six months traveling, escaping. They’d only been dating for a few weeks, but helikedLynck.

But if he couldn’t leave and he couldn’t stay, what was left?

He wasn’t even watching the movie. The fact they’d put on a movie instead of getting naked in Lynck’s room showed how dire things had become between them. He should’ve known something shit would happen, and this would end. That’s what happened to him. As soon as he found something good, it broke.It didn’t matter how good he became at fixing things, when it came to people and relationships, he couldn’t do shit.

“You are preoccupied,” Lynck said, his hand brushing over Rox’s shin.

His legs were draped over Lynck’s thighs.

And you aren’t?

Why was he the only one taking this seriously?

More words that he’d said before and which hadn’t made a lick of difference back then either. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I can’t carry on as if nothing is happening.”

“Nothing may happen.”

“You don’t believe that.”

Lynck’s ears twitched, confirming the statement. At least he had the balls not to lie. “Other monsters won’t go out of their way to approach a frost giant to report a bridled kelpie in town.” He lifted the silver chain, then let it drop against his collarbones. “But a frost giant…he will make the effort. The question is whether Bothvar will make the journey to take me back. I hope that coming to the human world will be too much for him, especially as he needs to come in person.”

There was less bitterness in Lynck’s voice than there had been in the afternoon.

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