Page 1 of Cowboys Can't Kiss

one

Riley

“No, you can’t fuck on horseback.”

Internally rolling my eyes, I stare at the man across from me.

“Have you ever been on a horse?”

“No, but how hard can it be?”

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I count to five before replying.

“It’s actually quite hard. Not to mention I’m sure the horse wouldn’t approve of being used as a…sex surface. That’s rude and I won’t help plan it even if I found a horse who would stand still and let it happen.”

The man frowns and points a single thick finger at me.

“You said you’d help me plan a romantic date for my girlfriend. I’m paying money for this and I want to fuck on a horse.”

Seriously? This guy probably thinks buying his girlfriend a new vacuum is romantic, too.

“You’re paying for my advice and my assistance. I assure you, no woman will want to expose her private parts while on a horse and risk getting horsehair rammed up her insides. Let’s not even touch on the fact you keep referring to it as fucking. That’s not romantic, Anthony.”

His brows furrow, and if I were a cartoonist, I’d draw little plumes of smoke coming out of his ears as he processes my words.

“Horses lose hair?”

“A shitload of hair. It can be itchy.”

He scratches at his crotch and I think that’s successfully moved us from the topic of sex on a horse.

“Maybe I should think of something else. What do you think, Riley?”

“Well, you said she likes aquariums. Is this just a romantic date or a proposal? What’s your end goal?”

He smirks. A look he likely thinks is sexy, but it’s… yeah, eww. That’s not a good look.

“Sex, Riley. It’s always the end goal. Is there anything else?”

Anthony folds his hands over the crisp blue pin-stripedTommy Hilfigerbutton-down that clings to his torso like a second skin and smiles. It’s one of those secret smiles. One that’s reserved for inside jokes with his buddies.

I don’t know what it is about this guy, but my cringe meter is on overload, and I want to extend my sympathy to his girlfriend.

“I think you’ve misunderstood what it is I do. Romance isn’t about sex. It’s creating a bond. Connecting with someone special and building a relationship. Incredible memories you both cherish forever.”

He nods along like he understands. Fifty bucks says he doesn’t.

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound like me.”

You don’t say.

“Just help me plan an exotic place for sex. Oh! Think we could reserve the aquarium and we could bang in that dark room with the jellyfish?”

That’s it.

Pushing my chair back, I stand and force a smile.

“I’ll refund you. We aren’t a good fit. That’s not what I do.”

---