Page 61 of Beauty and the Beard

Once inside, I’m immediately swamped with sadness. Its fingers curl into me with a tight grip I find hard to shake off.

“Sasha, please. Let’s talk.”

Still holding my cookies, I perch on Leaf’s sunrise loveseat. The sun still shines, not quite ready to disappear behind the treetops and, for now, the room still has a natural light.

Leaf sits next to me and gently takes the cookie box, setting it on the table.

“Can I go first? I have so much I want to say to you, and it feels like I don’t have enough time.”

“Funny, I was just thinking that today, too.”

Leaf’s eyes soften, and he takes my hand in his.

“You’re the first person who I’ve felt like giving myself to since Connor died. It’s not an easy spot to be in. I know you might think you can’t replace him and you’re right. Nobody ever will. But what I’ve only come to realize myself is that I can still love him and love someone else, too.” He reaches over, brushing athumb over my cheek. “I have room in my heart for that. I’d like to let you have it.”

“Why me?” I take his hand in mine, pressing it against my chest. “I know I asked you not to hurt me, but Leaf… what if I hurt you because this is all new to me? How can you want me when all I’ve been to others is a throwaway toy? I’m not special.”

His brow knits and a storm swirls in his eyes.

“You’ve been with the wrong people. I know there’s lots you’ve held back from me. And I hope you’ll tell me when you’re ready, but youarespecial. Don’t you see? You made me laugh just by being you and yes, you’re a very attractive man. You woke me up again, Sasha. I want to be with you, kiss you, get to know you. I wish I’d been able to take you out on the lake again. You did that. I don’t think you realize how special that makes you.”

He means it too. His words wrap around me and try to stick. I want them to, but it’s hard.

“I have to go home to take care of… not nice things. Embarrassing things. I’d like to tell you about them one day, with all the details. But I’m ashamed of it, that’s the truth, and I’m used to doing things alone.”

“C’mere.”

Leaf holds his arm up and lowers himself onto the loveseat, inviting me to snuggle under his arm. With a sad smile, I lay my head on his chest while his hand smoothes my back. The steady beat of his heart against my cheek is a reminder that this man is real. Screw the shame and embarrassment. He’s here for me. If there’s anytime to be brave, it’s now. And before I can stop myself, I’m spilling my guts about the abuse someone else presented proof of and the sentencing hearing waiting for me when I get home.

Through hitched breaths and tears, I tell Leaf everything I’ve ever left out. From how Moe stole most of my earnings by lying to me outright and dipped into the small trust fund that wasleft behind from a life insurance policy my mother had with me as the beneficiary. How he first convinced me to have sex with casting agents as a normal part of the business. Finally, once I figured out it wasn’t normal practice, how he then coerced me with threats of having no money to sustain myself. I did the lowest thing imaginable and let him into my bed for fear of being homeless and alone. I let him use me so I could keep a roof over my head and have a job.

Only Roman and the lawyer know that part. I’ve never shared that with anyone else.

“Sasha… are you sure you want to face this man alone? You don’t have to.”

“Roman will be with me. He stole from Roman’s accounts—and a few others— too. I was the lucky one who had to see him naked, though.”

A growl from Leaf has my shoulders tense. His arm tightens around me.

“Please let me come to you, Sasha.” His voice shakes and I push up to look into his face. He wipes the tears from my cheeks while his eyes beg for me to let him help. “Your friends, I’m sure, are amazing, but I don’t want you to be alone.”

“It’s not your mess, though. It’s mine to clean up.”

“Sasha…”

“I promise I’ll try to come back. You’re the only one I’ve ever shared all this with. I’m still working out things, but… I don’t want you to be there while I do. I hope you can understand.”

He sits up, pressing his lips to mine in a kiss that almost makes me change my mind and beg him to come with me.

“I do, baby. Doesn’t mean I like it.”

“Can I… would it be okay for me to spend the night here?”

Leaf studies me in that way that makes me feel naked. Completely exposed inside and out.

“Is that all you want?”

His hand cups my cheek, and I lean into his touch.

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