Page 51 of Beauty and the Beard

“I’d like for us to do it again.”

A cloud over his sunny face makes my heart sink.

“Yeah. Have a good day on the water, Leaf.”

Before he gets too far, I call out, “Wait.”

He turns and I walk over to him. His eyes are wide as I lean down and kiss him. Once, twice, and I memorize the feel of his lips and the taste.

“Have a good day, Sasha.”

In a blink he has his shoes on, and the door clicks behind with a soft thunk.

And I wonder if it’s the last time I’ll get to kiss him.

Chapter 15

Sasha

Digging my toes in the sand, I allow the cool lake water to lap over my feet. After spending my morning with a book, I needed to walk and think. I brought my camera and walked on the beach until it ran out and I reached rocks and forest.

I sat on the rocks in the sun for I don’t know how long, but my mind was just as foggy as when I started the walk. But I got some amazing shots of an eagle flying and a cool close-up of a swallowtail butterfly on a rock. Those are things I don’t see often in the city.

Even the noise here is calming.

All I’ve heard today is the odd boat motor and muted conversations of fishermen or kayakers over the water. Bird songs and squirrel trills. Waves slowly rolling up the sandy beach.

None of it can drown out the anxiety that simmers inside me.

The waves splash and lap as I consider a fully clothed dunk in the water. But cool lake water won’t wash all this away.

“Why am I so messed up? This shouldn’t scare me so much.”

Of course, there’s nobody around to answer and my words drift off into the summer air. This getaway was supposed to be easy. Simple even. Quiet time to spend thinking about my photography and a business plan. Read books and rest. Try out new nature stuff. Eat s’mores!

With a snort, I recall fishing with Leaf. I not only caught a fish, but I held it without a fuss. I even smoked a cigar after. God, we laughed so much that day.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I walk along the shore toward my cottage.

Leaf cooking me breakfast this morning and the way he held me last night… it’s not casual. No one has ever treated me like Leaf did. I don’t know how to handle it. I should, it’s just someone being good and kind. Being a thoughtful lover and genuinely concerned about my experience.

Being treasured is how I felt. There was no other descriptor I could come up with. Leaf made me feel like there was no one else he’d rather be with.

And I loved it. I loved feeling special, and while the anxiety gnaws at what it all means, I can’t forget the feeling.

But Leaf is still mourning what he lost. Where do I fit here?

“You lost in your thoughts, Sasha?”

Gasping, I drop my shoes and fumble for my camera bag.

“You scared the shit out of me, Perry! What are you doing here?”

He rises from the chair as I climb the steps of the small porch.

“Looking for you.”

“Okay… why?”

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