Page 48 of Beauty and the Beard

“Please, Leaf…”

He gives me no words in reply, but instead fills me with another finger.

And dammit if I don’t lose my breath for a moment.

“Leaf…”

My hands are talons, clawing at his head to pull his lips to mine. I can’t seem to say anything other than his name andinstead I pour my emotions into kisses. Frantic, passion-filled kisses I hope he understands.

He does, because his answer is gently shifting and reaching for a condom, which he places on my stomach.

“Can you put it on me?” He rasps and now is probably not the best time to tell him I’ve never done that before, either. My partners have always taken care of it, even if I asked. I just accepted that’s how it is.

It’s an unsexy, icky task for many people. Rushing past it if they can. But I don’t see it that way and Leaf understands. Even if he doesn’t know I’ve never placed one on another man, he just knows this is a big deal for me. To be trusted with it and still be in control. It’s now my choice and this one tiny gesture knocks the last wobbly brick over around my heart.

Nodding, I take the package, tear it open, and sit up. Once I close my hand around the base of his cock, he drops his head to my shoulder with a moan.

Kissing his shoulder, I roll it on, pleased that I handled the pressure and didn’t fuck it up. Still on our knees, he cradles my face and kisses me so sweetly it breaks my heart.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, are you?”

Leaf blinks back at me. Surprised, I asked his own question. “I’m right where I want to be.”

Smirking, finally feeling a tad like myself, I lay back down.

“I’m almost there. Once you join me, I’ll be where I want to be.”

And I should be elated when he settles over me and my body welcomes him inside. Leaf wraps me in his arms and holds me like I’m the most precious thing in the world. All the while whispering in my ear how beautiful, smart, and brave I am. With each thrust of his hips I lose myself in the moment of feeling likeI’m somebody special, that I’m adored… that I’m maybe even loved even if he doesn’t say the words.

And with that realization, I squeeze him tighter and bury my face in his neck.

Because I don’t know how to love.

Even after we’ve both reached our release and he cleans me up, gathering me in his arms to sleep, I lay awake.

Learning to fish, chop wood, and read trail maps has been affirming. My confidence has soared. My mornings with books and walks on the beach have provided me ample time to reflect on my future and what path I’ll take.

And until now, I thought I had it figured out.

But Leaf is an unexpected complication and I don’t know what to do.

Chapter 14

Leaf

Leaving Sasha sleeping in my bed, I sneak out to the kitchen and brew a single cup of coffee. The sun isn’t even close to rising yet, but I need time to collect my thoughts before I make the pancakes he bargained for.

Shifting against the cushions, I stare into the still black sky. One week left with Sasha and I won’t even be able to spend it all with him.

With a sigh, I pick at the cushion. A gift from Millie after Connor died. A simple white canvas with the words, “Love is everywhere”. It was her way of reminding me that even though he’s gone, he’s still around.

Which he is.

I think of him and remember something we did or said every day. I don’t cry myself to sleep or anything, but I miss him. He left a huge hole in my life. Sasha will never fill that hole. They’re two completely different people, but damn, he makes me happy. I just wish he’d give me a little more of him.

His ex-agent, this Moe guy, hurt him and it breaks my heart to know Sasha is all alone. To know that Moe was supposed toprotect him, but used him like he did. He gave me more last night when he opened up about his mother, but he’s guarding himself. I can feel it every time he touches me.

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