Page 46 of Beauty and the Beard

“You should see the view from upstairs. It’s breathtaking.”

“I’d love to.”

Although the view in front of me is already breathtaking, I’m curious to see where Leaf calls home.

He holds the door open and I step inside to a small landing where coats hang on hooks across the wall and footwear collects on mats. A small wooden bench sits tucked in the corner and I wonder if Leaf made it. A short stairwell leads up to his space and after leaving our shoes in the entranceway, I follow him up.

The stairs end in his main living area and I immediately drift to the entire wall of windows looking out to the lake. His living area and kitchen are open concept, but this is the focal point. He arranged a sitting area at one end of the windows and I point to the love seat there.

“Is this facing east or west?”

He grins. “East. I love watching the sunrise.”

“This is an amazing space, Leaf. It’s so… calming and peaceful.”

“Thank you. We’re at the back of the lodge above the kitchen. The door over there leads down directly to the kitchen. I rarely use the door we came in on.” He points into the darkness at the end of the windows. “The hallway leads to the bedroom and bathroom. It’s cozy and I love it here.”

His lips tilt in a half smile, like he’s a little embarrassed to say that out loud.

“I can see why. It’s like another world here, away from the rest of the lodge.”

“It provides privacy when I need a day off, but I’m still close by if needed.” He opens a small fridge under the kitchen island. “Would you like a drink? Wine or water? Maybe tea?”

“No, thanks.”

We stand there awkwardly, both of us fidgeting with our hands, and I step over to him. With my heart in my throat, I channel the bravery I’ve been working hard on over the past few weeks.

“Now that I’m here, are you okay with me in this space?”

He’s shared so much with me and we’ve been intimate in my cabin, but this is a big deal. I know he invited me, but I need to know.

His lips waver with a sigh laced heavy with nerves. “Yes. You look good here.”

Three days ago, I wished I knew where his door was so I could go to him. Now I know where to find him and I’m in the space Leaf calls home. The handmade quilts placed over the backs of furniture, the reading glasses left on the table near his sunrise loveseat and the candle that he must have burned recently because the scent of orange blossom still hangs in the air. All those small things cement the realness of where I am.

Part of me wants to turn around and walk away. To protect my heart from attaching itself to him further, but I can’t. The part of me that wants to experience all of Leaf, to have those same hands that so tenderly plucked at his flowers on me, is one I can’t ignore. I might regret it later, but I’ll deal with it then.

For now, I’m going to live and experience what it feels like to be cherished by this man.

“Sasha?”

Leaf’s concerned voice pulls me from my drifting thoughts and I return my attention to the warm eyes of a man who’s never far from my thoughts.

“I always wondered if guys with beards conditioned them.” I blurt and he snort laughs. “I mean until I felt your beard, I thought it would be coarse. But it’s not.”

“Are you asking for beauty tips, Sasha?”

“Well, I don’t have a beard. I’m just curious. Nervous and curious.”

His brows knit, and he reaches for me.

“Why are you nervous?”

“I just… you’re the first person I’ve ever let get this close to me. I’ve told you things that nobody but my best friend knows. And that makes me nervous.” Swallowing, I brush my fingers through his short beard. “And I like you. That makes me extra nervous.”

Nervous because I’ve given him the power to hurt me. I’ve never let my shield down for anyone like this before. Not since Moe manipulated me as a young boy into modelling, and acted more like a pimp than an agent, have I ever let anyone in like this. No one has ever had all of me. And a man I’ve known for a few short weeks has snuck in with a can opener and deftly opened all I’ve held so close to me. I’m now in a situation that is as foreign to me as wearing white after Labour Day.

“Oh, baby. We’re in the same boat here. I told myself I never wanted to do this again. But you… you make me want it so much.” His calloused hand cups my face. “You’ve made me smile without trying and for the first time in what feels like forever, I want to wake up with someone. Share my life again. Hell, eat chicken wings and laugh. I’ve missed out on so much. These past few weeks, you’ve made me realize how much I’ve missed living.”

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