Page 71 of Beauty and the Beard

“Nothing. I couldn’t bring myself to say a word. It didn’t seem real, you know? How is it possible I found someone to love me for me? Not the face. Not the famous name. Not the perks of having a model on your arm. Me. He loved me and the Sasha he got to know for the last four weeks.”

“That’s a good thing, babe. That’s the real you.”

“I just don’t want Leaf to see me like this. Going to that courtroom, closed or not, will break me. Moe’s the last tie to my mother, Ro. And I’m making sure he stays in prison with my statement. With him gone, it feels like Mom is too. I mean, she is, but it feels like my memories go with him. I’ll be in a ball on the floor crying just like the day she died. I know I will and I don’t want him to see me like that.”

Roman’s eyes soften as I try not to crumble. I miss Leaf. So much so that it feels like I left an important piece of myself behind. Oh wait, I did.

“Sasha, listen to me. Seeing you like that doesn’t make you any less or whatever scenario you’ve imagined. I know you’ll be thinking of your mom and itwillbe a hard day, but if he loves you… why not let him be here?”

“I won’t be able to handle it if he leaves, Ro. I’m quite positive I left my heart in that lodge.” The tears prick behind my eyes. “I don’t know how to mesh us together. I’ve got a photography course and a business plan, and I need to move out of this place. The court stuff and finally setting out on my own, away from this horrid life in front of the camera. He’s all… woodsy and shit.” A small laugh escapes despite my sadness. “Catching fish and chopping wood, and did I tell you he makes maple syrup?”

Roman’s smile flits on his lips.

“You mentioned it. What else?”

“Don’t laugh.”

He places a hand over his heart. “I promise.”

I’ve been thinking about it on the plane, and since I landed.

“I liked being away from the city. Once the plane took off, it was like the closer I got back to here, the more my anxiety grew. And the really weird thing?” I can’t believe I’m admitting this out loud. “I could see myself liking it there. Long-term.”

Roman stands to clean up the take out containers. After tidying things, he leans against the sink and crosses his arms over his still apron covered torso. My best friend, my rock, lets his guard down. He blinks and swallows before looking up to the ceiling.

“Just in case it’s on your mind, I know we talked about working together. You helping me with the photography part of my business… I’d follow you, Sasha. I don’t need to be in a city. I can be anywhere. So if that’s holding you back, don’t let it. Because you’re my diamond in this life and if you think you’ve found the one who makes you believe in yourself, I don’t want you to lose that.”

“Ro… god.”

Stepping over to him, I wrap my arms around him and hug him so tight it hurts to breathe. We’ve been through a lot together and to hear him say he’d follow me so I can be happy in love? I almost can’t process it.

Is it possible that something I never thought I’d have is finally within reach?

Rolling my neck, I push back from the computer screen.

After Roman left with a promise to drop by tonight, I occupied myself with cleaning up my email. Most of the messages were agents contacting me. It seems when you leave the modelling game at the top, people are even more pressed to get you to do business with them.

But I meant it when I left for good.

When I attended a rodeo last year as a favour to a friend, I learned a lot about life and myself. A group of strangers became friends. One even gave me the courage to break the cycle I was in.

And it’s him I want to talk to now.

Putting it on speakerphone, I hit call. When Zane’s voice answers, it’s like a comforting blanket on a chilly night.

“Hey, Sash! Are you back from the mountains? No bear mauling?”

He snort laughs and I shake my head.

“Dork. Stop talking to Roman about bears. Yes, I’m back and it was amazing. I did all kinds of stuff. Outdoorsy stuff!”

“Ohhh, good for you. So are you back to the grind now? Did you make some plans while you were gone?”

“Sort of? I mean… maybe. There’s been a complication.”

It’s hard to rattle Zane, but even over the speaker, I feel his concern.

“Oh?”

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