Page 56 of Beauty and the Beard

“Leaf…” he sighs and raises his hands in a gesture to calm me down. It backfires. I know that tone and I won’t forgive him if he’s the reason for me laying awake all night.

“What did you do, Perry? What now? Why can’t you just stay out of my life for once?!”

My voice booms in the small space and Perry slams his hand on the island in an uncharacteristic show of anger. He’s always the calm one, and any more accusing words towards him die on my lips.

“You’re not the only one who lost someone when Connor died, Leaf.”

Perry’s voice is hard. Pained.

“I know you two got along like brothers. I’m sorry you miss him, too.”

Perry steps towards me. Eyes glistening with unshed tears.

“No, Leaf. You still don’t get it.” He swallows hard. “When he died, you went with him. I lost my brother.” His voice hitches.“For seven fucking years, I’ve tried and hoped you’d come back. But you never did. You just folded farther and farther into yourself and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.”

His voice drops, and for the first time since Connor died, I notice the real Perry. The pain in his voice is just like mine, and I regret yelling earlier.

“My brother was still here in body, butyouweren’t really here. We stopped meeting for beers. You didn’t even talk shit about theHabslosing all the time whenever I was in the room.” I’m alarmed at the tears on his cheeks. “You shut me out, Leaf. And I want my brother back. Sasha brought my brother back. I told him that.”

“Perry, I…”

“He doesn’t think he belongs here, Leaf. I think he cares about you but is stuck on feeling… I don’t know, left out.”

“He said that?”

Perry shrugs and lets the fight drain from his body.

“Yeah and he gave me the impression he was about to bolt without a word, so I, well… I got mad.”

With a heavy sigh, I run my hand through my hair.

“I don’t know what to do. He has a life where he came from and I have one here. We knew that when we started this. I can’t exactly stop him, can I? If he bolts, well, then I’ll try to move on.” Stepping closer to Perry, I pull him into a hug. “And I’ll be the brother you miss again. Even if this doesn’t work out, I know I’ve been distant. I’m sorry.”

Perry hugs me tight and I silently berate myself for not noticing his burden sooner.

When we release each other, we’re both a little wet around the eyes and we smile softly. If nothing else, this is good for our relationship, at least.

“Leaf, I don’t know what’s going on with him, but he’s scared. Don’t just let him walk away.”

With a frustrated huff, I walk to the window.

“He has a life. I can’t handcuff him and keep him.”

Believe me, I thought about it last night.

“Do you know why he’d be so scared and want to run without a word to you? I’m pretty oblivious to most things, but you two really connected. If I wanted to be all fucking sentimental about it, I’d say something more profound, but I’m not big on the mushy stuff.” He shrugs with a smile.

“His mother died when he was still a child. He was only thirteen and with no other family, a friend of his mother’s offered to take him in instead of going to foster care.”

Foster care would likely have been a better choice. If I ever cross paths with this Moe person, well, let’s just say I know how to make things look like an accident.

“The so-called friend used him. He recognized Sasha had a quality he could sell. Which was how he started modelling. But he… there was a lot more to it, Perry. I don’t want to disclose it all, but I think it’s hard for him to believe in love when he’s only ever had it from his mother. Every single person in his life has lied and used him. I think maybe he can’t trust so easily.”

Perry curses under his breath.

“Jesus. I’m sorry, bro. Fuck…” His hands clench into fists and I know Perry feels the same as me. He can hear the words I’m not saying.

Moe kept Sasha on a leash until he was seventeen. That’s when Sasha put the pieces together and found out what Moe was doing wasn’t at all how business was supposed to work. Forced into bedrooms with grown men who should know better and led to believe it was the only way he could become successful. The extra incentives offered by Sasha Montpellier’s agent landed him many deals, and not the talent he had. Or his natural beauty.

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