Page 42 of Beauty and the Beard

“Don’t tell me if you don’t want to.”

“I want to. It’s just—”

The young lady herself appears again and interrupts to take our orders. Leaf and Perry are determined for me to try a dill pickle flavoured chicken wing. I agree but only with honey garlic as a backup because I know I’d like that. Who eats pickle-flavoured chicken?

Only once she’s returned with our drinks and my glass of rye and ginger ale is in front of me, does Leaf pick up the conversation.

Both he and Perry sip from tall glasses of beer and I smile when some of the foam sticks on Perry’s mustache.

“Okay, so Violet is a great kid. I’ve known her since I moved here. She used to come to the lodge all the time.” He takes a breath. Another. “She’s Connor’s best friend’s daughter. She’s like a niece.”

When Leaf pauses to drink his beer, I notice the small shake of his hand.

“Violet was in the car with Connor when he died.” Perry says, voice low. “She carries guilt. She was only twelve, but she thinks if she knew first aid she could have helped him. She stopped coming to the lodge with her dad because she thought Leaf hated her.”

My heart breaks for both Violet and Leaf. How awful for her, such a young child, to go through such an experience. Leaf lost more than just Connor that day. Even though Violet welcomed him here tonight, there must still be a rift in their relationship.

“Leaf… I’m so sorry.”

“Everyone is.” He shrugs and looks away, and I glance at Perry. He signals it’s okay and to just wait, so I sip my drink while all I want to do is hug the man across from me so hard that all his broken pieces smoosh back together.

Leaf jumps back into the conversation as if nothing happened and the lovable lumberjack returns.

“So, what do you think of this place? I bet you don’t find this in the city.”

I snort at the massive understatement.

“I can’t say I have. It’s unique, I’ll give you that.” Glancing to my left, I notice a few burly looking men watching us closely and I quickly turn back to face Leaf.

“Do I stand out too much? Those men are staring.”

Old Sasha would smile and flirt and try to keep their attention all night. But current Sasha wants to be just another person here and not singled out. Unless it’s by the man seated across from him.

“You’ll stand out whether you want to or not, baby. Don’t mind them. Unless you’re uncomfortable?”

Leaf’s use of an endearment here freezes me in place. He doesn’t seem to care that he said it and he casually looks their way.

“Let them look, I say.” Perry bumps my shoulder. “They’re just a couple of guys in a bar looking around. Pay no attention.”

Maybe they’re right and I’m overreacting.

I want to apologize for my insecurities and to assure them both I’m not a self-centred asshole, but Leaf chooses the moment I open my mouth to slide his hand across the table and squeeze mine. His warm brown eyes shine.

No apology is needed. He fucking knows. Just like everything else he learns about me, he doesn’t need my words to confirm it.

I want to ask him how he does that, but Violet chooses that moment to show up with enough wings to feed a small army. Leaf’s laughter at my reaction to the mountain of chicken wings is worth being stared at a second time.

“Before you ask, yes, we’ll eat them all. Perry and I love chicken wings. The Log Jam makes them the best.”

Perry chooses a few wings and places them on a plate for me. He points to each one and explains.

“Dill pickle and Salt and Pepper are the dry ones. Honey garlic and Maple BBQ are the sauce ones. The brown one is honey garlic. Nothing spicy. One is a wing and one is the drumette. Wings are harder to eat since the meat is between two bones, see?” He bites a wing and shows me the centre. “You get that out just with your tongue or teeth or whatnot. Some people break the bones away. And your fingers will get messy if you love the saucy ones like me.”

Across from me, Leaf grins as I digest all of Perry’s chicken wing eating tips. Who knew eating could be so challenging?

“Fuck, I’ve missed this,” Perry says, and I’m not stupid. He’s not talking about wings. He’s smiling at his brother with a misty eye and now I get what Leaf meant when he said Perry had layers to him.

“Should I take a photo of this for you, Sasha?” Leaf teases.

---