Page 21 of Beauty and the Beard

He stands and takes away both of our plates while he waits for my answer.

“I’ll see you then.”

My eyes are on Leaf’s back as he walks away, and I grip the table as I stand to steady my suddenly wobbly legs.

Chapter 6

Leaf

The wine I’ve chosen for my evening with Sasha sits on the counter. It’s the last bottle I have in the place and he got lucky it just happens to be a white one. It was also one of Connor’s favourites.

Staring at the bottle, I run a hand over my face.

“Con…I miss you, babe. So much.”

It’s a delicate decision. One I’ve always struggled with. When is it okay to allow myself to love another? Connor was such a huge part of my life, and even with him physically gone for seven years, he’s always here to remind me of the happiness we shared.

Even in something as simple as a bottle of wine, the grief of what I lost rushes to the surface. It claws at my still-bruised heart like a thorn and rips open the wound like it was just yesterday.

But Sasha is so alive. He’s a ray of sunshine and warm skin. He’s the smile to my gloomy face when I wasn’t looking for it.

And with him, I’m willing to try to move past the hump. This whole cloak of grief that still shadows even my best dayscan have an opening. A small step to the next part of my life, perhaps.

Or maybe just wine with a friend. Either one is a big move forward for me.

Tucking the bottle under my arm, I head to the kitchen, where I’m sure I’ll still find Millie lingering. At least I hope to.

“Do you have a minute, Millie?”

She turns from the list she’s making, a shopping list for the coming week, most likely.

“Always for you, Leaf.” She motions to the bottle under my arm. “Are you planning to share that tonight?”

With a nod, I place it on the counter. Millie holds my gaze, waiting for more information.

“I miss him. Every day. That’s nothing new. But I…I don’t like being alone anymore, Mill.”

She rests a hand on my arm. “You never have to be alone. He’d hate you being alone, you know. Connor was always the life of the party. He left a hole for you, and I know in my heart, Leaf, he’d want you to climb out of that hole and fill it up again.”

Squeezing her hand, I sigh. The weight of it all clings to me so intimately, it’s like a second skin.

“I just… why is it so hard?” Swallowing, I blink back the wetness that threatens to appear. “I really like Sasha. Connor would too, don’t you think?”

She smiles. “He most definitely would. He’d ask him a million questions about photography and what magazines he’d been in. Then he’d ask him to Christmas dinner if he was free.”

Huffing a little laugh, I grin. “And make sure he was included in the group photo before leaving with a plate of leftovers. But not with cookies, those were all for Connor.”

There’s so much I miss and still love about him. Talking with Millie eases my heart somewhat, but I need to know how to do this.

“I just asked if he had plans tonight and offered to bring wine if he didn’t. And… the only bottle I had was Connor’s favourite. It set me off. I mean, it’s not like I’m asking him to marry me or anything. It’s just some wine and conversation.”

“Which is a perfect place to start, Leaf. He could be a friend you keep close or something more. You won’t know until you try, and I think it’s time to try.”

She smoothes her hand on my arm. “You’re the only one who needs to give yourself permission for this, Leaf. We all want you happy.”

“You’re right. Okay. I’m having wine with a friend tonight. Drive safe when you head out.”

Kissing her cheek, I take the wine bottle and head out into the early summer evening toward Cabin Three. Dusk has arrived and with it, a few bullfrogs sing their songs to anyone listening. A pair of chipmunks race across my path, and I smile at their antics.

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