Page 13 of Beauty and the Beard

She gathers a smaller cooler with drinks and ice before throwing her best mom look my way. The one that says,are you really that clueless?

“Leaf, nobody is forcing you to do anything here. You’re the one who offered to take him fishing when you never go out with guests anymore. You brought him supper, and you enjoyed his company. You smiled a lot this morning, for heaven’s sake. If he makes you happy, even just a tiny bit, chase it.”

A flash of Connor catching his first fish runs through my mind and my heart bursts with the happy memory while breaking with the loss. I miss the days of laughing in the sun and kisses stolen in the cloak of darkness while the forest sleeps.

I’m not stuck in the past. I’m afraid of a future. One that might be better than the one Connor and I shared. It’s hard to let go of the perfect feeling that was Connor and me taking on the world. Part of me is afraid to move forward and the other part of me begs to let go. To chase, like Millie says, and find another personshould be something easy and free. But how do I do that when Connor is all I ever think about?

“You should go. He’ll be here soon.” She murmurs and hands me the coolers. “Leaf, enjoy the day with a man who may surprise you. If nothing comes of it, you’ve made a friend. Friends can never be too plentiful.”

“Thanks Millie. I love you.”

Dropping a kiss to her head, I exit the lodge just as Sasha appears from the trail and god, he’s beautiful. Classic beauty that really belongs on the pages of a magazine. Full lips, sharp cheekbones, and eyes that sparkle like diamonds in the sun.

He’s changed as I asked and while still not appropriate fishing wear, it’s much better. Especially since it’s my view for the day. Low hanging sweatpants that draw my gaze to the sliver of smooth skin peeking out between his shirt and waistband and stokes a fire in me that’s been dead for a long time.

“Hi.” He waves his hand comically, like a child, and grins. “I hope this is better for the boat? I thought I’d be more comfortable in sweatpants.”

“You look great.”

I probably shouldn’t have complimented his appearance. But a small twitch of lips confirms it’s not unwelcome.

He pauses and licks his lips. They’re shiny with gloss, and I hope it at least contains SPF. I also love the look on him. Which is yet another thought I’ve not allowed myself to have since Connor. Appreciating the attractiveness of someone other than my dead husband sends waves of panic through me.

“Th-thank you.”

Sasha grips the camera bag he’s carrying closer and nibbles at his lip.

I feel like an awkward kid finally talking to his secret crush and I motion towards the dock.

“Well, let’s get started then. Have you ever been on a boat?”

“Just a speedboat thingy for a photo shoot once. It had this huge bow with cushions and a bunch of us had to modelSpeedosand such. The boat never moved. They anchored us in a bay the whole time.”

“Okay, so you’re not familiar with boat safety then.”

His brow furrows. “I wasn’t then either.”

The clipped tone of his voice raises the hair on my neck. But his sweet smile remains when he turns to me.

“I trust you, Leaf. I’m not sure why, but I don’t think you’ll steer me wrong.”

“I’d never.” I breathe.

Sasha nods to confirm my statement and marches alongside me to the dock. I cast a few sideways glances as we approach the boat, but he’s as calm as a duck on the water. If he’s nervous, I’ve yet to see any indication of it.

Arriving at the side of the boat, I instruct him to stay on the dock while I secure the coolers. I’d already loaded bait, rods and tackle, and checked the life jackets and safety gear earlier today. Holding my hand out to him, I instruct him to step into the front.

His soft hand, small and almost dainty, slides into my giant one and grips with shocking strength. He steps into the boat and, when it sways with his step, he holds tighter.

“Whoa. I should’ve been expecting it to sway.” His laugh is both nervous and excited, and I smile back at him.

“You’ll get your sea legs quick. Before we go, here’s a long-sleeved shirt to wear. It’s chilly when it’s early and especially once we move on the water. Put that on and then your life jacket.”

He sets the bag he’s carrying on the seat and accepts the shirt I hand him. We both laugh once it’s on. The sleeves pour past his hands and the hem hangs mid-thigh.

“I feel like a kid playing dress up.”

Stepping forward, I roll up the sleeves on one side for him.

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