Page 71 of XO

“Well, that’s why you should talk to him.”

“Vic, with all due respect, please understand that I simply can’t. Not now. Not ever. For the sake of your wedding, I’ll keep the peace, but please don’t push me into something I’m uncomfortable with.”

Her eyes glisten because she can hear the emotion in my voice. “Okay, babe. I promise. I won’t push you. Why don’t you come over and—”

“I’m just going to go back to the house and freshen up. I won’t be long.” I’m already taking a few steps back which changes her reply.

“Okay, brunch will be served soon, so don’t be too long.”

I nod before running up the stairs and disappearing inside. Keen to get away from the hustle, I find a bathroom on the second floor. Standing in front of the mirror, I remove my dark glasses and stare at my pitiful face. A face that’s letting the universe get the better of me. A face that’s allowing fate to mock and ridicule my existence.

Jase is right, even in my cute-as-hell sundress and wedges, I do look like shit. Well, a lesser, still half-drunk version of myself at least. Splashing some cold water over my face, I reapply gloss and head downstairs to the green. Because I’d been so caught up in greetings and refusing greetings, I’d totally missed how beautiful they have everything set up.

On top of the lush manicured lawn sits a long table with crisp white linen, fabric high-backed chairs I wouldn’t dare trust with this crowd surround the table, and there’s a stunning centerpiece of white and pink tulips.

By the time I walk across the lawn, Jase, Vicki, and their bridal party are taking their seats. And by the time I arrive, the only seat available is directly across from Jacob.

I freeze, assessing the situation, panicking, my fists curling into tight balls.

Why, world? What did I ever do to you? Huh?

Jacob catches my frantic gaze, his eyes soft and warm. He gestures for me to sit but watches curiously for my reaction. Swallowing bile, I pull out the chair and take my seat. My eyes brim with tears, and I have to coach my breathing the same way my counselor taught me years ago. Focusing on my hands in my lap, I allow a few calming moments to pass before looking up.

He’s still watching, his gaze never leaving me for a second. The rest of the world drowns out, and I find myself staring back. I blink and a single tear slips down my cheek. I become lost in his world, his eyes a montage of his own story, some of the narrative about us, the rest about something dark—something sad and so incredibly dark. I feel it layering upon my own shadows that lurk, and I wonder what he’s seen and experienced to have that inside him like I do.

‘Hi,’ he mouths.

I purse my lips together in an attempt to quell the sob that’s threatening to break. ‘Hi,’ I mouth back.

Our moment is broken, a spoon dinging on a wine glass, someone wanting to give a speech. Although Jacob makes no effort to acknowledge the call to attention, I turn in my seat, facing the happy couple while I wipe at my damp cheeks. A single tear had somehow turned into a waterfall.

“Welcome to our home, everyone,” Jase announces, snaking a hand around his fiancée’s waist. “Last night was the beginning of our celebrations, and we want to take a moment to thank all of you who’ve taken time off work and your normal schedules to be here because we have a crazy few weeks planned which will hopefully be filled with love and celebrations.”

“And…” Vicki says taking over, “… we couldn’t have asked for a better wedding party. Even if you are all a bunch of horny animals.”

From the table comes a mix of giggles from the ladies and hollers and high-fives from the boys. It even earns a laugh from me because despite my own personal issues unfolding, I can appreciate the ridiculousness of this group. Seeing me smile, Vicki winks, and I roll my eyes playfully at her pandering.

“So, let’s eat. And don’t forget there’s croquet on the lawn afterward.”

My stomach isn’t too pleased with the idea of eating. Reluctantly, I turn around, willing myself to smile for what is a happy occasion. Jacob appears just as enthusiastic. While a small polite smile plays on his perfect lips, he’s feigning interest in what Amber continues to dribble on about. Both the twitch in his jaw and the surreptitious glances in my direct line are a dead giveaway his mind is elsewhere. The others dig in like famished vultures after a night of heavy drinking while Jacob and I take turns moving food around our plates.

With drinks in hand, half the group heads across to croquet, while some remain at the table still engrossed in conversation.

“Come on, buddy,” Jase calls to his best man. “The girls have set a challenge, and I know you know how to play.”

Jacob’s gaze flicks between Jase and me as he shifts in his seat. “Nah, man, I’ll sit this one out.”

“To hell you will. There’s money riding on this. Rosie, you don’t mind, do you?”

I’m stunned for a second like I’ve just touched an electric cattle fence.Why the hell does he feel the need to ask me?

“Of course not,” I say, frowning at his indiscrete jibe. Leave it up to Vicki and Jase to make an uncomfortable situation even more so.

Unhappy with the corner he’s been backed into, Jacob concedes Jase won’t relent. Clearing his throat, he stands and leaves the table. With his back to me, I take a moment to observe the man he’s become. Tall, at least six foot two. Broad shoulders that look capable of carrying the world’s problems. A stride which oozes both confidence and business. And still with the same beautifully tanned skin I remember kissing under my bedsheets every night. Jacob Lynch was always a handsome boy, that’s why he was the most popular, but as a grown man, he’s like a god banished to earth.

Needing to escape the raucous at the table, I take my champagne and head toward the gardens. The previous owner of the property was a garden showman exhibiting his beautiful splendor every year in spring, opening his yard to those who shared his passion. When Jase and Vicki moved in, they agreed to let the old man come in and tend to the yard to maintain its world-class standard. That was clearly not an offer my two friends would turn down. So, I start at the beginning and follow the windy path through the wonderland of greenery and vibrant colors.

I meet an intersection in the path that can see me either continuing straight ahead or turning left or right. In the middle sits a white stone bench seat bathing in the warm sun. Needing no further convincing, I lay on my back, allowing the hot stone to relax me the way a massage would. Closing my eyes, I drift in and out of a doze, still exhausted after so easily tormenting myself last night. I’m just about to drift off completely when I hear his voice.

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