Page 55 of Cruel Devotion

After I showered again, I opted not to wander through the house like a lost animal.

I called Davina back, and she checked on how I was doing. How I was faring. Just as I suspected, she’d read about it and heard about it from last night. Lots of posts were shared online, and many opinionated comments were racking up.

While her comforting words were a kind gesture, I valued her questions or heated opinions more than the platitudes.

“And it sounds like that’s not the worst half,” she complained. “I can’t believe the other half of the dare was that he’d have to sleep with you. That’s wrong no matter how you look at it.”

I sighed, rubbing my tired eyes. “And the irony is that I would have. Not at that dance, but somewhere with him. I would’ve given him my V-card. I did want him.”

“At least you know now not to bother lusting after him.”

I frowned, closing my eyes as I struggled with something to say to that. Of course, she’d come to my defense and warn me away from Eli.

It wasn’t just lust, though.

I couldn’t explain it, not to her or even to myself. It was hard not to feel so alive when I was with Eli. With his understanding that I liked a little pain and had to be pushed to feel calm and safe near him, I felt accepted for the first time in years.

No more.

I was too hurt to think about forgiving him.

It was loneliness for me again, that and a chaser of self-loathing and regret that I ever fell for his tricks at all.

Hang in there.

You’ll be out of here before you know it.

And you’ll never have to see him again.

18

ELI

Someone from the team drove me back to the dorms after Haley left.

I couldn’t remember what was said or who approached me after I rejoined the dance.

It all passed in a blur.

At the dorms, I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling, literally shocked at how everything had fallen apart. Everything that mattered in my life was ruined.

“Preston said I failed the dare.” I said it dully, unable to show emotion as I dropped behind a shell of who I was.

“Because you didn’t have sex with her at the dance?” Finn asked.

He hadn’t left. He didn’t exit the room at all, not once, despite how late it was. He sat there, patient and waiting for me to speak or move or snap out of this shock.

“Yeah.” I blew out a deep breath. “He was waiting off to the side. He heard me telling her that I’d wait for her.”

I closed my eyes tightly at the memory of her gazing up at me with so much trust when I said that.

“Drake was there to video it too.”

“Sick motherfuckers,” Finn growled.

“He’ll be telling his parents about that car any second now,” I said, monotone and detached. I couldn’t jar out of this oppressive dread.

“What’s the next step, then?” he asked, always ready to be pragmatic.

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