Page 56 of Cruel Devotion

I sat up, rubbing my face with both of my hands. “Fuck if I know. It’ll all fall apart. Everything that matters…” I sighed and shook my head before facing him. “Everything that matters to me is ruined. If I have to drop out because Mr. West has my scholarship revoked, I won’t graduate. If I have to pay back my scholarship, I have no clue where I’ll live or how I’ll afford it.”

He nodded, patiently hearing me out.

“I was counting on my degree to get me a good job. And now I won’t have it either.”

“Ifhe tells his dad.”

I scowled. “He has no reason not to now.”

“You know, I kind of wondered if he was messing with you all along, getting you to do this dare without the intention of sticking with his end of the deal.”

Sad, but true, I had to agree. The thought crossed my mind a few times as well.

“And Haley…” I swallowed hard, hating the memory of her wounded expression, all that hurt and anger that I’d caused.

“She mattered too?”

I nodded. “I was ready to make it look like we’d done it in that room and then leave. I want her, man. I want her so fucking bad, but I couldn’t push her. I didn’t want to hurt her any more than I already have.”

“Maybe after you give her a little space and a chance to cool down from all of this, you can tell her that and she might listen.”

“That’s all I can do.” If I approached her too soon, she was more likely to shut me out again.

So, for the rest of the weekend, I followed Finn’s advice. I waited with bated breath for a call from Preston. A post from him online. Any contact from the school. Like Finn said, it was the weekend, and I’d likely hear something official on Monday morning. He was probably right.

In the meantime, though, I put all my energy and effort into looking prematurely for jobs in case I was screwed and had to start paying the scholarship money back as soon as possible. I looked at sports therapy places that might hire without a degree, and there weren’t any around here. Then I looked at various payment plans that I could try to have financing through for the major debt.

Late Sunday afternoon, I asked Finn to drive me to Haley’s house. I couldn’t wait any longer. Giving her a little space and a chance to recoup from the shock of how Friday night had ended was wise. But it had to be long enough. If she wanted more space, then she’d say so. If she wasn’t ready to face me again, then, again, I’d take her cue on that.

But I had to try to make things right with her. I had to show her how sorry I was.

Finn waited on the driveway while I knocked on her door. The minivan wasn’t here, and I wondered if anyone was even home. Then I recalled that Cindy had a little getaway this weekend, and I bet that meant Haley was inside but not answering the door.

I knocked one more time, my heart cracking into a few more pieces as I considered the possibility that I’d fucked up too badly this time to have another chance. Another second chance.

At last, she opened the door. With a deep sigh, she stared at me blankly.

“I’m sorry.”

It was the one message I had to make her believe.

“I apologize, Haley, and I wish I could take it back.”

She smirked, looking to the side. “You can’t.”

“I know I can’t take it back. But that doesn’t change how sorry I am that this is how it happened.”

She didn’t face me for a long moment, but I tried to let my hopes get a little higher when she didn’t slam the door in my face.

“I wanted to give you some time and space before apologizing and explaining?—”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “Who says I’m in the mood to listen to you explain a single thing?”

“Then you tell me. What do you want me to do?” I shoved my hands in my pockets so I wouldn’t reach out for her.

Another long pause followed as she stared at me. It was impossible to avoid feeling like she was looking into my soul.

With another heavy sigh, she stepped back and let me in.

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