Page 84 of A Love Like Venom

"You're going after her, aren't you?" Oak states rather than asks. I nod my head in acknowledgment. "Do you need back up?"

Shaking my head I reply, "No but I appreciate the offer."

"You can be a real pain in my ass most of the time but at the end of the day I have your back. So does the club," sincerely he tells me.

Chuckling I respond, "Good to know. Seems like I have started a war."

At that Oak scoffs. "This war was brewing far before this."

"I can't let anything more happen to her, Oak.” My voice grows serious as my heart twists inside my chest. "She's been through enough."

"Haven told me you left earlier to talk to her. How did it go?"

"As expected. I was wrong about fucking everything and she can't find it in herself to forgive me," I sigh still feeling torn up about it. I can't believe I could ever actually accuse her of betraying me. For her to think of me as a monster.

I should have known she was different.

When you hear your worst fear supposedly pour from the lips of someone you hold so dearly to your heart it changes you.

All of this is my fault.

Never have I once been repulsed by my image but now I can't even stand to look at myself.

Whenever I see a glimpse of myself in the mirror it's more than just a monster I see, it's the demon with red horns and black wings.

I can't take back what I have done.

I wish on every star that I could, but I know that's not possible.

Regret is such a bitter fucking taste and guilt weighs down on my chest like a bitch.

This is what I have done. I have to face the consequences.

"Did you expect her to forgive you?" Oak wonders.

"No and I'm not sure if she ever will. Hell, I don't fucking blame her," I admit to him on a breath.

"What you did was wrong, Snake. I'm not going to lie to you and say you were in the right. Regardless of how you felt that girl didn't deserve your wrath."

I run my hand frustratingly through my hair before pulling angrily on the ends.

Truth is I'm so fucking disappointed in myself that hearing it come from someone else digs the knife deeper in my heart.

Out of everyone in this club Oak is the only one who has the closest understanding of me. He's never judged and has always tried to see my side of things. At the end of the day the two of us get each other. We both wear masks to conceal the demons we live with.

How can I wear a mask when I've become the demon I've been trying to hide?

That mask was cracked the moment Alice Hall came back in my life again.

I fucking destroyed it when I let my darkness consume me and project it on her.

Now I'm grappling with the fact that this person that I have become, Snake, I don't want to be that person anymore.

And I don't know how to be the Reed Carter she knew.

I buried him a long time ago.

My hands are too stained, and my soul is beyond tainted to ever be that man again.

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