Page 86 of Unlovable Player

“I want you to be with whoever makes you happy. If that’s Seb, then I want you to be with him.”

“Doesn’t it bother you?”

“Doesn’t what bother me?”

“That he’s, you know, a guy?”

She laughs and reaches out to brush my hair with her fingers. “No, it doesn’t bother me that he’s a guy, does it bother you?”

I swallow. She called me honest, so I should be. “A little.”

“Are you worried what the guys on the team will think?”

“Yeah.”

She drops her eyes. “Fuck them.” She’s smiling when she looks up. “You know the NHL are trying to be more inclusive-”

“I know that, I know it’s technically fine, and if it was just simple between us, I wouldn’t even hesitate. I’m not a chump, I wouldn’t let people bully me out of being with who I wanna be with.”

“So the only problem is that he’s rich? Austin, that’s ridiculous.”

“It’s not Ma, you should have seen his house, his family…” My face gets red at the memory of his dad walking in on Seb blowing me.

“He’s not his family.”

“You’ve seen him wave his dad’s AMEX around. He’s going to work for him the day after graduation. He’s giving up an internship with the Canucks to make easy money with the guy.”

She looks down and brushes her hand over her jeans. “I think he’s a scared boy who doesn’t think he deserves to be loved.”

A lump forms in my throat at hearing my ma of all people talk about Seb that way.

“I think he’s doing what he’s told by the person who’s had authority over him his whole life, and maybe he doesn’t think he needs or wants his approval, but really he does, and I don’t think he believes in himself very much.”

I mutter under my breath, “fuck.”

Ma squeezes my arm. “I think having someone like you believe in him probably made him feel pretty good.”

“He pushed me away Ma.”

“Hurt kids do that. Beforeyoucan pushthemaway.”

I let my head fall back against the chair. “What the fuck should I do?”

“Do you love him?”

I swallow the lump that’s become a fucking rock in my throat and nod.

“He’s annoying as shit, but yeah, I love him.”

When I look at Ma, she’s grinning like a loon.

“He’s handsome,” she says.

I groan and cover my face.

“When you guys do that surrogate thing, I want one of each.”

“One of each of what?”

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