Page 34 of Unlovable Player

Something lurches in my chest and I can’t look at him.

“You wanna know why I gave you shit during my games with Yale?”

“Because you’re a dick?”

He flashes me one of those annoying grins. “No,asshole. It was because I couldn’t beat you fairly. You’re too good.”

I swallow. I haven’t verbalized this to anyone but Alyssa. The only other person I can imagine telling is my ma and she already has enough on her plate without me having an existential crisis. “I don’t feel like it sometimes.”

“What do you mean?”

“Why haven’t they signed me yet?”

“I don’t know. It’s the NHL, they own your ass, it’s a predatory system and everyone knows it.”

I frown and he laughs.

“Hey, this is just coming from a guy who didn’t get drafted.”

“Maybe they didn’t think you’d take it seriously?”

“Maybe.” He takes a sip from his beer. “It doesn’t matter anyway. Even if I got drafted, my dad would have wanted me to work for him.”

“Why?”

“Sohecan own my ass.” He grins, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. A realization hits me then that maybe none of those smiles, grins, whatever, ever reached his eyes. Like he was never really happy. That feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when I look at him, I fucking know what that is. I’m an idiot for lying to myself for so long.

“What?”

“What?”

“You were staring at me.”

I clear my throat and turn back to the TV.

“Austin.”

My heart pounds at the sound of my name in his mouth, and when I turn my head, he’s there, closer than I thought he’d be. The freckles dotted along the top of his nose and cheeks. That ache I always passed off as pure anger whenever I’d face off against him and he’d look me right in the eye. Blond hair, brown eyes. I hated him because I thought he had everything. But knowing he doesn’t only makes it harder.

He's looking at me, waiting for something. I lean over and press my mouth against his. He’s still and his lips are so fucking warm and soft like I knew they’d be. Panic spreads through me and I pull away. He pulls me back by my hoody and kisses me properly. Just lips at first, massaging mine, sending tingles through my skin right down to the pit of my stomach. Then tongue. Inching into my mouth. Making me exhale, deep into his mouth. He makes a little noise of appreciation. It vibrates through me and my cock aches.

I pull away.

“Fuck.”

“Okay?”

I nod. “I uh-”

“You gotta go, yeah, okay.”

“No.” I frown. “Fuck, I don’t know what I-”

“It’s okay, seriously, just forget about it if you want.”

How do I get him to shut the fuck up? oh yeah…

I grab his face and kiss him again, feeling his breath in my mouth, the heat radiating off his body as I press my chest against his, guiding him back on the couch. He opens his legs and wraps them around me. His cock is hard as it presses against me and it feels… not weird, but different. Not like I’d expected it to feel when I thought about it before.

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