Page 106 of Bad at Love

“You called me because you wanted my help. Trust me, you need toveryclearly tell him that you want to be with him. It’s the only way you’ll get a proper answer.”

“When I brought this up last time, he didn’t say anything. He got upset.”

“Which is why you need to tell him you want an answer and you won’t accept anything less. Be direct and don’t take no for an answer.”

I sigh, looking up at the sky.

If I wanted to argue with people, I’d have become a lawyer…

“Okay, but can I wait until tomorrow? It’s late. I think he’s already mad at me. It’s best I let him cool off a little. Sleep on it.”

“You know him better than I do, but I don’t see the harm. Just make sure you do it first thing. Don’t let the day get in the way. Aren’t you working tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“Good. We’ll have something to talk about at lunch.”

“I suppose we will.”

“Get a good night’s sleep, Gabriel. Speak to Thunder Storm in the morning. Prepare for the worst, but expect the best.”

“Thanks, Marta.”

“Anytime!”

I pace once we get off the phone, walking from one end of the yard to the other. The crickets keep me company, though they don’t help me figure anything out. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a Jiminy right about now?

When the neighboring lights shut off, basking my backyard in darkness, I decide it’s time to go in. I put on my cell phone flashlight so I don’t trip over anything, and once I’m inside, I lock up and go upstairs. Storm’s door is closed so I continue on to my room. I change into my pajamas and get into bed—my bed that smells just like Storm. Though he isn’t here to warm theother side and hold me like he has, I fall asleep quickly with his scent lingering on my sheets.

I wake before my alarm. My first thought when I wake up is to turn over and look at Storm, but when I do that, I find my bed empty. He isn’t here. My chest feels hollow, as empty as my bed.

I need to speak with him this morning, no exceptions. I need to lay everything out, very clearly, and get an answer. I can’t be subtle when it comes to this. It’s a funny thought because being subtle isn’t usually my thing, but apparently when it comes to feelings, I am. It shouldn’t be so hard to speak to him, but when I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about… it’s difficult. So where do I begin? I should have asked Marta to give me examples.

Okay, don’t overthink this. Just say what you want.

“Storm, I want us to be together.” I mutter it to myself, testing the words out to see if they feel right. They don’t.

“Storm, I’d like to be your boyfriend.”

No, that sounds super lame.

“Storm, will you bemyboyfriend?”

Not as lame, but sounds like something a fifteen-year-old would say.

“Storm. I know things weren’t supposed to turn out this way, but I can’t help the way I feel.”

Good start… but maybe too wordy.

“Storm, things turned out differently from what we planned, but…”

No, no, no! None of this is right. It’s all wrong and weird and just…wrong.

I toss the blankets off and get out of bed to shower. Maybe the hot water will get my head clear and make me not sound like a loser.

I take longer in the shower than usual, shave, get dressed, then gather my things from the bedroom. When I walk past Storm’s room, the door is still closed. He’s probably still sleeping. I didn’t think of that last night. I’m going to have to wake him up to have this conversation? Not a good idea. Storm said he wasn’t a morning person, yet he used to be up every morning to have breakfast with me. Not lately. Though, it’s likely avoidance rather than not wanting to be up in the morning.

I make breakfast for both of us and eat in silence as I go back and forth over what to do. Should I wake him up for this conversation or wait until I get home? Marta will not be happy if I show up with nothing. But this isn’t about her, it’s about me and Storm. She can push me all she wants, but I can’t rush this. I should at least let him know I made him breakfast. We can talk when I get home later. Yes, I’ll make a plan so he knows what to expect.

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