Page 47 of Reckless Hearts

Me: We can’t.

As soon as I send the message, the tears spill from my eyes. Overwhelmed and exhausted, I find myself sobbing into my pillow, unable to control it.

Her words drivea dagger right through my heart the second they pop up on the screen as I release the breath I didn’t even realize I was holding.

Alana: We can’t.

I want to tell her we can, and we should, and we both want to, so fuck everything else. None of it’s important. But I know these aren’t the right words to say. Blowing out another breath, my thumb hovers over the keys as I try to think of what to write, what words I can possibly send to her that will make any of this any better.

“Fuck it,” I mutter as I don’t type anything and instead call her.

“Hello,” she says, picking up on the third ring, her voice croaky.

“Hey, you okay?” I ask, wishing I could see her face.

Alana sniffs as she says, “Yeah.”

Chuckling, I ask, “You sure about that? Because you don’t exactly sound convincing.”

She groans now and I hear muffled sounds as though she’s getting into bed or something. “I’m fine. Jade was just...just...”

“A huge pain in the arse?” I suggest, knowing I really shouldn’t be talking about my client like this, even if it is true. Alana laughs a little and I continue, knowing the real reason she’s brought this up. “It isn’t true, Alana. I’m not sleeping with her. I’ve never slept with her and have absolutely zero intention of ever sleeping with her.”

“Because you’re her coach?” she asks, and I can hear the hesitation in her question.

“No. It’s because I am not attracted to her one single bit and have no desire to have sex with her.”

She doesn’t say anything at first, the only sound is her breathing through the phone as I wait for her to speak. When it seems like she isn’t going to, I do.

“Tell me what’s bothering you.”

Alana scoffs as she says, “Oh my god, where do you want me to start, Flynn?”

I hate the sadness and frustration I can hear in her voice, things I know I’m the cause of even if I’m feeling them too. “How about with how you’re feeling,” I suggest. “You can be honest with me, you know?”

I hear her take in a long, deep breath, letting it out slowly as more ruffling comes through the phone. “She’s kinda full of herself,” she starts, and I can’t help but laugh. “And she was a bit of a bitch if I’m being honest.”

“All things that are true,” I reply. “Why do you think I came out here early?”

“Really?” she asks, and I can hear the surprise in her voice.

“Yeah,” I say, settling back into the couch. “I know I shouldn’t be saying all this stuff, but she is hard work andsometimes I do need a break from it all. But she gave me my first coaching job and I gave her a world championship, so...”

I stop, not really knowing what else to say. As much as Jade does drive me crazy and, truth be told, piss me off, especially when she says shit like what she did to Alana, she did also give me a career when my surfing one tanked. I’m not sure what I’d be doing if I hadn’t been given that opportunity.

“No, look, I get it,” Alana says. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine, Alana,” I say. “And besides, I was actually asking about you, not Jade. Tell me howyou’refeeling.”

Alana groans at this, her whispered, “You know how,” causing that stabbing feeling in my chest again.

“Fuck,” I murmur, shoving a hand through my hair. “I hate that she said that to you, okay. That she created doubt about what was between us or how I...” I trail off, not sure if I should finish.

“How you what?” she asks, her words quiet.

I lean back, my head on the back of the couch as I stare up at the ceiling. “How I feel about you,” I say, my words a whisper.

Silence falls between us again and I close my eyes, wishing I knew what she was thinking. Wishing to fuck she was here with me.

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