Page 52 of Desperation

“I’m so happy you made it. We weren’t sure you’d be able to come.” She patted my cheek and returned to the trays of food lining the counter.

“There she is,” a masculine voice boomed from the open doorway, and a tall man with glasses and sandy brown hair stepped up to Hannah. His arms flexed, testing the limits of his already tight shirtsleeves when he picked her up. My heart clenched painfully as a huge grin split her face. She seemed so happy that I came to the party I let my suspicions that she’d moved on fall to the wayside. That had clearly been a mistake. I took a step back, wanting to turn and run for the door, but I couldn’t look away. Was he the reason she hadn’t called or texted me? Was she in love with him? My mind reeled with possibilities, although I tried to play it cool. I wouldn’t make a scene at Jameson’s birthday party, no matter how badly I wanted to tackle him to the ground and claim Hannah as mine. This guy was big and obviously fit, judging by his muscular physique, but I could take him. I was being ridiculous, but no matter how evolved we’d become, sometimes those caveman instincts kicked in when we felt threatened.

He placed Hannah back on her feet and reached for Sandra, placing a sweet kiss on her cheek. “Hey, Mom. The food smells great. When are we eating?”

Mom?

Just then, a leggy brunette I hadn’t noticed stepped up to him, and he slid his arm around her shoulders. She nuzzled in close to his side, resting her hand on his chest just above his heart.

“Delilah, you made it,” Sandra exclaimed.

“I was able to get an earlier flight,” the young woman replied. Their conversation faded into the background as I breathed a sigh of relief. The pressure eased off my chest as Hannah came to stand next to me. For a moment, I thought I’d missed out on my chance to win her back. I thought I’d lost her for good, but I was still in this fight. She grabbed my hand and pulled me toward them, making introductions.

“This is Sandra’s son, Calvin, and his girlfriend, Delilah,” she said, nodding to each of them in turn. I shook their hands as Hannah told them who I was, and Calvin cut a glance I couldn’t quite read to her. She nodded and smiled, so he returned his attention to me.

“Nice to meet you, Devon.”

“You too,” I replied.

The kitchen quickly filled with partygoers with the announcement that it was time to eat. I spotted Mark and Charlie with their kids in tow as I scooped baked beans onto my plate. They sat with Hannah, Jameson, and I at the kitchen table while we ate. Hannah and Charlie conversed with the familiarity of old friends, and I realized they’d stayed in touch all this time as they spoke of playdates and Sunday brunches. My stomach twisted as pain settled into my chest. She’d stayed in touch with Charlie but hadn’t bothered to send me so much as a text. I pushed the hurt aside and plastered on a smile. Today was about Jameson, not me, and he would have the best birthday ever if I had any say in it.

Once the guests were full, we sat in a semicircle surrounding Hannah and Jameson as she helped him open his gifts. He seemed more interested in the boxes than he did some of the toys, and when he got to mine, I held my breath. Hannah’s eyes found mine among the small crowd gathered around, and her lips curved at the corners when she read the gift tag. She excitedly yanked colorful tissue paper out of the oversized bag and tilted it so Jameson could peer inside. He clapped and wiggled, reaching into the bag to retrieve the item, and Hannah helped him bring it out. The green and yellow toy was shaped like a tractor with wheels that resembled tires, a steering wheel, and a little horn that let out a squeaking honk when pushed. It was a sit and scoot toy he could ride around the house. He immediately straddled the little seat and started scooting across the floor, making little puttering noises with his mouth. Everyone clapped and cheered him on, and his smile grew.

After the presents were opened and stacked in the corner, Jameson was placed in his highchair and given a miniature cake. His eyes rounded in surprise, and he tentatively poked a finger into the frosting, bringing it to his mouth for a sample. Once he got a taste of the sweet, whipped confection, he dug into it, pulling fistfuls of crumbly dessert to his mouth. He was covered nearly head to toe in it by the time Hannah determined he’d had enough and took the cake away. He cried but was quickly placated when Sandra pulled him from his chair and promised him a bath.

I stayed long after the last guest was gone and helped clean up the mess from the party. “You don’t have to do that,” Hannah assured me as I stuffed remnants of wrapping paper into a trash bag.

“I don’t mind.” Sandra had taken Jameson to his room after his bath and promised to read him a bedtime story, leaving Hannah and me alone downstairs. This was my chance to talk to her, to see if we could rekindle what we once had. I opened my mouth to speak, but Sandra popped back into the room.

“That baby is out cold. The party wore him out.” Sandra chuckled.

“I’m sure the crash from his sugar high probably helped,” Hannah replied, loading the last of the dishes into the dishwasher.

“Why don’t you guys go for a walk? It’s a nice evening, and the sun hasn’t set just yet. I’ll finish up here.” Mischief glinted in Sandra’s soft brown eyes, and Hannah’s cheeks turned rosy. She knew what the older woman was up to, and so did I.

And I was incredibly thankful for it.

“What do you say? You up for a walk?” I asked, hoping she wouldn’t turn me down.

“Sure. Let me change my shoes.” She came back a few minutes later, her flip flops swapped for a pair of tennis shoes.

“Ready?” She nodded, and I opened the door, stepping out onto the porch. The sun was barely visible in the distance as it sank lower in the horizon. We wouldn’t have long, but I prayed it was enough time to win her back.

“Do you want to see the stables?”

“I’d love to.” We trudged slowly across the yard toward the large wooden structure. I wanted to reach for her hand, grab it like she had mine earlier, but I resisted the urge, uncertain how welcome the action would be.

“Do you like it here?” I asked instead.

“I love it. Sandra has been incredible. She treats Jameson and me like family.”

The hope I’d begun to feel earlier withered away. I was happy she’d found a place to call home and that she was being treated right for the first time in years, but I wanted to be the one to provide all those things for her.

We reached the stable, and I pulled open the door leading inside. The building was small but clean and well kept. There were only a few horses inside, and one of them huffed when it sensed our presence. Hannah walked past them, stopping at the last stall as a brown muzzle poked out. She rubbed her hand over the dark fur up to the animal's forehead and back down again. A calm tranquility settled over her, and she turned to face me.

“This is Lola. She’s my favorite.” She petted the horse lovingly, scratching between her eyes every few passes. “She’s helped me in ways I never dreamed an animal could.” I leaned against the stall and watched her. She was breathtaking, the glow of the setting sun creating a halo of light around her form.

“I started seeing a therapist,” she admitted, never once looking away from Lola. “When she found out I had access to horses, she recommended I learn to ride. I was scared to death of the beasts when I first got here,” she confessed with a laugh. “But we got past that pretty quickly, didn't we, old girl?”

---