Page 53 of Desperation

“I’m glad you had this place and Sandra to help you get through everything. I see the change in you. You seem happier, more at peace.” She finally looked at me then, her expression pained and eyes sad.

“I know what I did hurt you, and I’m sorry for that.”

I pushed off the wall, taking a step toward her. “Don’t. It’s okay. You did what was best for you. You made the right choice. I don’t begrudge you for that.” She turned to me, her hands dropping to her sides. I stopped directly in front of her, and she tilted her face up to look at me. “I’ll admit, I didn’t get it at the time. I thought you were just scared and overwhelmed. I thought I could help you through it all. But you’d never been given the chance to figure out who you are without somebody else.” She’d spent three years with Drake. She wasn’t even eighteen yet when they got together. Those were formative years when people were finding themselves and figuring out their lives. She’d never been given the chance to do that. He’d kept her in a gilded cage, never letting her out to spread her wings and fly.

I wouldn’t do that to her. She’d come a long way, but she wasn’t ready to land just yet. Acceptance coated my throat, and I swallowed past the thick lump that formed there. I came here this evening prepared to win her back. I naively thought she’d pack up her life here and come home with me. But she was healing, and I wouldn’t get in the way. I’d pushed her back then, thinking I knew what was best. I wouldn’t make that mistake again. She could come back to me if and when she was ready. It was tearing me up inside, but I would have to let her go once more.

I took a step back, letting my gaze fall to the floor. Her health and happiness were more important than my need for her love. And right now, she was happy without mine.

“I should get going. Got an early day tomorrow.” I nearly choked on the words. I didn’t want to go, not without her, but she needed to stay.

I was almost to the door when I heard her faintly say my name, but I kept walking, pretending I hadn’t heard. I wanted to be selfless and put her needs ahead of mine, so I had to leave. Even if it hurt. Even if I’d regret it later.

The newly darkened sky greeted me when I stepped outside and headed for my truck. The air was still thick with humidity, the absence of sunlight doing little to cool it.

“Wait!” I stopped, my feet planted firmly in the grass, but I didn’t turn toward the sound of her voice. I couldn’t. If I took one look at her, all determination would evaporate like the beads of sweat forming on my skin. “Don’t go,” she said from behind me. “Please.” A moment later, her palm flattened against my back. I sucked in a breath, her touch startling me and setting me on fire at once.

“Devon, look at me,” she pleaded. I pinched my eyes shut, willing myself to keep my feet planted firmly where I stood. “Please.” My chest heaved at her repeated plea, and I forced air into my lungs. Her hand slid soothingly to my shoulder, and she stepped around me. I couldn’t look at her, so I kept my gaze focused above her head, staring out at the pasture beyond.

She cupped my face, her warm hand grazing my stubble. “Look at me,” she whispered. I obeyed, dropping my eyes to meet hers. “I don’t want you to go. At least not yet. We have so much to talk about.” She stopped to take a deep breath, and her hand began to shake. I reached for it, kissing her palm before cradling it with my hand. I wasn’t sure who moved first, but our fingers entwined when she closed the distance and pressed her free hand to my chest. My pulse beat wildly beneath her touch.

“I want to give this another try.” Her wide, hopeful eyes stared up at me.

“What are you saying?”

“There’s still something between us. There always has been. It never went away, never faded. I’m ready to try again, this time without Drake or the ghosts of our pasts hanging over our heads.”

I slid my arm around her waist and pulled her close to me, resting my forehead against hers, eyes closed tight. “You don't know how badly I’ve wanted to hear you say that.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long.” Her face tilted upward, her nose sliding against mine until our mouths were level and our breaths mixed. She smelled of vanilla frosting and the merlot she’d sipped as Sandra readied Jameson for bed. When her lips brushed against mine, my control snapped. I pulled her against me, burying my fingers in her hair. Her head tilted and her mouth opened, granting me entrance. She moaned against my lips, the sound hitting me below the belt. She stretched onto her tiptoes, raking her nails over my scalp, sending a shiver down my back. In a flash, she was in my arms, her legs wrapped around my waist, and I was walking us back to the stables. I placed her on the tack box and framed her face with my hands.

“I’ve missed you so much. I thought I’d go crazy without you,” I confessed. She kissed me, gripping my shirt in her hands and yanking me closer. She was panting when she let go.

“I wanted to call you up so many times and ask you to come back.” She shook her head, reliving the memory. “But I knew if I did, I’d be rushing back into this, and that wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”

“Are you sure you’re ready for this? I don’t think I could survive losing you again.”

“Yes,” she breathed, a tear slipping down her cheek. “I’m sure.”

I didn’t know how long we stayed there kissing and touching, reacquainting ourselves with each other's bodies. Five minutes, ten, maybe an hour. I lost track of time when her lips found mine.

“We should take things slow this time around,” she said between kisses.

“Of course.” I would have agreed to anything in that moment if it meant she would keep kissing me.

“I want to date you.”

I pulled back, a surprised “What?” sputtering out.

“We never dated. We danced around each other like a campfire, staying just far enough not to get burned. Then we set the whole damn place on fire,” she added with a giggle.

“So now you want to go back and do the things we missed out on?”

“Exactly. I want you to pick me up and take me to a movie.” She ran her fingers through my hair, smiling wickedly. “We can sit in the back row and make out the whole time.”

“You might be winning me over to this whole dating thing.” I leaned in and pressed another kiss to her soft pink lips.

“We can go miniature golfing, spend a day at the beach, go skating in the park.” She playfully ticked off items from her list. It didn’t matter what we did as long as I was with her.

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