Page 30 of Desperation

I did as she instructed, applying the rest of my makeup while my hair was in curlers. I didn’t have a dress warm enough to wear, so I opted for a sleek pair of black leggings and paired it with a deep red top. When I finished, I applied a matching shade to my lips.

Drake let out a low whistle from the bathroom doorway. “Lookin’ good, mama.” My face warmed under his appreciative gaze. “Ready to go?”

“Yep,” I pulled on my black boots and zipped them before following him out to his truck. The restaurant he’d chosen was a steakhouse we’d visited on one of our first dates. The host led us to a small square table tucked into a little private corner. The clinking of silverware and hum of conversations floating around us was a welcomed change. I was usually shrouded in quiet unless Jameson was crying.

“What do you think?” Drake asked, looking almost nervous.

“It’s great,” I gushed. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

“I knew you needed a break and probably wanted to get out of the house.” He was right. I was just surprised he’d noticed it, and for once I felt like he saw me. Like he truly saw me.

We talked and joked like we used to, like we did before our relationship started to go south. I saw glimpses of the old Drake. My heart grew fuller, remembering how I felt about him in the beginning, and it was a relief that we were making our way back to that.

Our meal was delicious, the best I’d had in a long time. I was stuffed when they brought out the dessert menus, but Drake insisted. “We can split it. Order whatever you want.” I supposed I could take a few bites of something so I ordered a slice of Italian cream cake, mostly because I’d never had it before. If it was something we liked, I could try to recreate it in my own kitchen.

The waiter brought out the cake and placed it in front of me. Drake looked so excited, I slid the plate toward him and offered him the first bite. He shook his head insistently, sliding it back to me.

“Okay.” I chuckled and lowered my fork to scoop up a bite of cake. My hand froze in midair when a sparkling reflection of light caught my eye. Nestled into the creamy icing on the edge of the slice was a diamond ring. I dropped my fork and recoiled. What the hell was happening?

“Hannah.” I looked up into the hopeful eyes staring at me from across the table. “I’ve wanted to do this for a while now, but it never seemed like the right time.”

No…

No, no, no. This couldn’t be happening.

“Now that we have our baby boy, the only thing we have left to make our family complete is our holy union.” I covered my mouth, suppressing a gag. I was going to be sick.

He misjudged my reaction and reached for my hand. “Oh, baby, don’t cry.” Tears were in fact staining my cheeks, but I hadn’t realized it. This was not what I wanted. At least, not yet. I couldn’t make this kind of commitment to him. He’d proven himself, yes, but it was too soon. I needed at least a year, a year of him…

Not hitting me.

That thought made my stomach twist, and I clenched my free arm over my middle. It didn’t work. That sickening tightness wouldn’t go away.

“Hannah, say something.” Beads of sweat formed on his brow, and his eyes darted around us, nervously looking to see if anyone was watching.

Through the tears and pain, I said the only thing I could say.

“I can’t.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

Devon

“What the hell were you thinking?” Mark roared. “Has SEAL training changed since I've been gone? Did they teach you nothing?” He leaned over and gripped the back of the chair, letting his head hang while he took several deep breaths. I sat across the table from where he stood, the left side of my face still bruised and swollen where that asshole hit me. He probably thought he knocked me out and he almost did, but I got a good look at him as he ran away. I made out what his patch said, and now that I knew who he rode with, I’d be able to find the prick.

“You never go in alone. You let your team know what you’re doing. Dammit, Kingsley, I thought you were better than this!” I’d never seen Mark angry before, and that made this all the scarier. Would I lose my job over this momentary lapse in judgment? He was right. I had been stupid. What I’d done was dangerous.

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” he scoffed. “You could’ve been killed. He could have shot you or beat you to death with the butt of that gun.”

“It was reckless. I know that. But whoever that was had the code or overrode the system. And I didn’t radio my partner because I wanted the element of surprise on my side. He would’ve heard and known I was after him.”

“And how’d that work out for you? Seems to me he was the one who surprisedyou.” I gritted my teeth, hating the verbal lashing I was receiving. It would’ve been different if this wasn’t someone I respected, someone I looked up to. But it was Mark, and since I’d joined this team, he’d treated me like family. Underneath the bravado and sarcasm, he was a good guy with a big heart, and it killed me to disappoint him.

“You’re right. It won’t happen again.” He studied me, weighing my words and possibly the option of letting me go. I silently prayed he wouldn’t. This was all I knew. I’d already left the SEALs. If I didn’t have this, I had nothing.

“See that it doesn’t,” he replied stonily and left.

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