Page 40 of Desperation

The scent of basil and garlic greeted me when I came through the door. I didn’t see Hannah at first, but I followed the faint sound of clicking to my bedroom. When I stepped into the doorway, Hannah was sitting at the tiny desk staring studiously at the laptop screen. We had an encrypted, secure connection, so there was little chance of the IP address being traced while she completed her class work. She didn’t want to delay getting her GED, so I ensured she had a way to continue her online classes while she was here. She was determined to finish her schooling and obtain independence, and I respected the hell out of her for that.Drake had tried to break her, but he couldn’t. She was too strong, too resilient, and I admired her immensely for it.

“Hey.” She jumped at the greeting, her concentration broken by my voice.

“Hey,” she breathed. “I hope you don’t mind me being in here. The chairs in the kitchen were getting uncomfortable,” she added sheepishly.

“I don’t mind at all. You’re welcome in here any time you want.” She bit on the corner of her lip, her gaze flicking to the bed. Thoughts of her naked beneath my sheets had my groin threatening to embarrass me.

“Okay,” she offered simply. “Dinner should be ready soon.”

“That’s good to hear. I’m starving.”

“I hope you like pesto chicken.”

“I love pesto chicken.” She beamed, a huge grin spreading wide over her mouth.

“Where’s Jameson?”

“Taking a nap. I think he’s hitting a growth spurt.”

“I think you're right. He looks bigger every time I come home.” Her eyes went soft, and a dreamy expression overtook her features. I’d called this place home. And that was exactly what it felt like. Not because of the place, but because of who awaited me when I returned.

Dinner was delicious. Hannah prepared a side salad and crispy garlic bread to go with the main dish. We broke out a bottle of wine she’d found stashed in the pantry earlier. It wasn’t anything fancy, but the flavor was pleasant with just the right amount of sweetness. Hannah declined a second glass. One was her limit because of Jameson and since she hadn’t drank in over a year. I stuck the cork back into the opening and placed it in the fridge in case she wanted another glass after she put him to bed for the evening.

We easily slipped back into our routine, and though she approached the couch hesitantly, she didn’t waver when I reached for her, tucking her next to me like I’d done before. Once Jameson was nestled in his bed, Hannah snuggled into my embrace once again.

“I think I’d like that second glass of wine now. Do you want another?” she offered.

“Sure, but I’ll get it. You stay here and get warm.” She thanked me and pulled the covers up to her chin. I emptied what was left of the bottle into two glasses and brought them to the living room. We sipped the wine, and I couldn’t help but watch Hannah from the corner of my eye every time she lifted the glass to her lips. I wanted to taste the wine on them, to lick inside her mouth and feel her moan against my tongue.

My desire for her was overwhelming, creating a nearly unbearable need no amount of self-satisfaction could soothe. My cock jerked every time she brushed my leg with hers. It was like being a virgin again. I was so attuned to every touch, every sound, the scent of coconut body wash lingering on her skin. The only difference was I wanted her more than I’d wanted my first, and now I knew what I was doing.

When she started to yawn, I knew we’d need to retire for the night soon, so I willed my erection to go away long enough to escape to my room without her seeing. I thought of everything unsexy that I could: BUDS training, Lorenzo’s nasty habit of clipping his toenails wherever he wanted, root canals, Carole Baskin dancing the Samba. It worked.

I wished her goodnight after brushing my teeth and washing my face. Even after splashing cold water onto my skin, I felt too hot for the clothes I wore, so I discarded everything but my gray sweatpants and slipped into bed. I was too wound up to sleep and needed to finish a report for Mark, so I grabbed my laptop and settled it onto my thighs.

I was typing away furiously when movement in the doorway caught my eye. Hannah stood at the threshold, her face weary, eyes widened like a scared doe.

I sat up straighter and set my computer aside, preparing to get up. “Is everything okay?”

She held up her hands to stop me, and I relaxed back. “Yeah, everything’s fine. I just…” Her voice trailed off, and she looked away. “I couldn’t sleep.” She took a tentative step toward the bed, and my eyes dropped to her legs. They were bare, her sleep shirt barely covering the tops of her thighs. My throat bobbed with a heavy swallow.

“Come here.” My request came out gruffer than intended, and her eyes flared. I meant to ask if she wanted me to keep her company, but the look in her eyes rendered my self-control useless. She reached out a trembling hand and pressed it to my bare chest. I pulled the covers back, silently welcoming her in. My chest heaved with every ragged breath I drew, hoping she’d accept my invitation.

She surprised me by climbing onto my lap and straddling my hips, settling her weight on my thighs. I sucked in a sharp breath, and she gasped when her bare, silken heat met my erection.

“Hannah,” I growled as my hands fisted into the material at her hips. She leaned in slowly and kissed me softly, testing the waters before diving in. I opened to her, and she slipped her tongue inside. My control snapped, and I wrapped my arms around her, bringing her body flush against mine. Our lips crashed together over and over, tongues tangling, tasting, teasing. She groaned into my kiss as her hips rocked against me. She reached between us, curling her fingers in my waistband and palming me.

It felt as though my heart stopped beating and my lungs could no longer take in air when her skin connected with my flesh. Then it returned, doubling its pace.

“Hannah,” I warned. There was no turning back once we did this. If I had her tonight, I’d want her forever.

“Yes,” she breathed, an answer to the question my body was asking. She pushed the front of my pants down, exposing me completely. She wasn’t wearing panties, leaving no barrier between us.

“I don’t know if there are condoms here. I didn’t bring any.” She smiled sweetly at my confession as though my lack of planning to bed her made her want me more.

“I have an IUD now,” she replied, her hand stroking me as my grip tightened on her hips. “And I’ve been checked. I’m clean.” I hadn’t been with anyone since the last time I saw my doctor and was given a clean bill of health. There was nothing stopping me, no reason not to take her. Except…

“Are you sure you’re ready? I don’t want to rush you.”

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