Page 140 of Season of Gifts

Climax beckoned with tantalizing heat, racing toward blinding light.

Chapter seventy-three

Alice

ChristmasmorningwithHenry’sfamily had a rhythm and an order to it, flowing along like the mix of classical music and traditional carols playing on the stereo.Loving and merry without being boisterous.But the whole thing—everyone laughing and opening gifts, the lights glowing on the tree, the fire crackling in the fireplace, Henry’s cinnamon rolls warm and gooey and delicious—clung to Alice with a prickle that refused to shake loose.

A new flannel pajama set and a borrowed robe wrapped her in layers of comfort.A gorgeous Christmas sweater rested at her knee.The matching gifts for her and Jay had come from Mother—she’d commissioned the knitting projects from Lina months ago, just after the fall cleanup visit.Henry admitted to sneakily providing sizing from the clothes Alice and Jay had worn that weekend.

But as she sipped the real hot chocolate in her mug, and she admired and applauded the presents Mother and Santa Claus had given Henry’s nephews, the world still sat askew.Off.Irritating as an itch between her shoulder blades.

In a quiet gift gap, as Gabriel hunted for the next one to open, she sprang to her feet.“I need a refill.Anyone else, while I’m going?”

Jay, eyes shining, smile as big as a house, reached for her mug.“Here, I can get it so you won’t miss anything.”

“Oh, well…” Damn.She needed the break, but he wanted to serve.This was the family Christmas he needed, all the big emotions—medium emotions, because Henry’s relatives were more golf clap than pro wrestling crowd.Jay was thoroughly wrapped up in the unwrapping, guiding Gabriel and Robert the Fifth on distribution of presents and asking smart questions about their gifts and what they’d use them for.

“Actually, Jay”—Henry scooped Jay’s mug up with his teacup—“I believe your presence is needed as master of ceremonies.Alice, why don’t you and I gather the cups and refresh everyone’s beverages.”

Her quick escape for a breather rapidly evolved into a full tray and Henry by her side for every step.The kitchen door swung behind them, a pendulum coming to rest as Henry slid the tray onto the counter.

She set her cup down—still two-thirds full, clear evidence of an ulterior motive and sloshing like a guilty conscience.

Henry pulled his and Jay’s cups from the tray and lined them up beside hers.Jay had more than half a mug of hot chocolate left.Henry had a teacup so full it flirted with the decorative line around the rim.“Would you rather have quiet space or a friendly ear, sweet girl?”

Sagging into his shoulder, she closed her eyes and breathed in the comforting bite of citrus and leather from his cologne.She’d started the day off giddy, their bed a luxurious tangle of bare limbs that could’ve happily held them all day.Two hours later, and she was holding back a mope monster for no reason.

“Not sure.I feel…” She blew a stray lock of hair out of her eyes.“Weird.”Which was ridiculous.“And I shouldn’t.It’s the best Christmas I’ve spent in, hell, probably seventeen years?TheonlyChristmas I’ve celebrated in the last ten for sure.”

Henry slipped his arm around her back and curled her to his chest.His chin rested against her cheek.His heart beat reassuringly steadily.“Let us dispense withshould, hmm?Feelings ask no moral judgments of us.That is our intellect insinuating itself where it is unneeded.”

He would know.

“Yes, I do have a fair amount of expertise with that.”

“I didn’t say—”

“No, your shoulders thought it.”He rubbed her back in strong circles.“As did mine.I take no offense at such truths, which is perhaps the most solid indicator that I am returning to equanimity.”

She could hardly pass that up.“I would’ve said the mostsolidindicator was—”

He claimed her mouth, his amused growl vibrating against her lips.“Do you recognize what you’re doing, dearest?”

Aside from fetching drinks no one needed—well.“Deflecting with humor so I don’t have to talk about why I’m feeling weird?”

“Very good.”His approving hum sent a happy shiver down her spine.“Setting aside the issue ofshould, then, let us consider the explanation behind your judgment from a different perspective.The day is a joyous one.However.”Gently drawing her away, he clasped her face in his hands.“It is also a prominent reminder of a decade of such days lost to you and your sister, and of the preceding years marred by strain and conflict.”

Sure, when he put it like that.All out there and truthful and cutting into her with precision.Ten years of being alone on the holiday, defiantly telling herself she wasn’t moping or missing out on anything special.A long call with Ollie, when they both could.A much shorter call with Mom, usually cut off when the background grumbling got too tough to ignore.

The years before that had been awkward at best.The bar was set at “holiday without shouting,” which was so low a gal couldn’t limbo under it.Trip over it, maybe.

“The last few months, I thought a lot about how Jay would feel this Christmas.”Fiddling with the cups, she lined up the handles in a row.Two teacups for Henry and his mom.Two coffee cups for Robert and his wife.Four hot chocolate mugs, because once she and Jay had voiced that option, the kids had politely asked for it instead of milk or juice.“Things being so different for him, estranged from his family, not in the place he always goes.I tried to think of ways I could help fill that void for him.I wasn’t thinking about…”

Her and Ollie opening presents, tearing into the wrapping paper with way more gusto than Henry’s nephews.The year sitting in hospital chairs.The one in a booth at the diner, because Dad kept grousing and Ollie was crying and Mom hustled them into their coats over their pajamas and shouted at Dad to sit home and stew if he couldn’t give his girls one day of peace.

“Alice?”Henry brushed her cheeks.

She blinked free the tears, and he swept them clear.“I wasn’t thinking about how I would feel going from the void to the real deal.All the family stuff I missed out on.”

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