Page 74 of A Life Betrayed

“Mathias—”

Mathias lunged forward, grabbed the front of Rayan’s shirt, and slammed him against the wall. “It’s not enough for the boss to turn on me and for my own second to be in on it, but to have you sneaking around with that fucking cop?”

Rayan looked at him, confusion lining his face. “The boss?”

Mathias’s head throbbed, further fueling his fury. “He tipped off the Feds, convinced I was after his job. A cleaner way toget me out, less potential for bloodshed—after seeing how well I managed the last takeover.”

Rayan shook his head. “You wouldn’t have ousted Giovanni. You respect him too much.”

Something about the conviction of his words eased the pounding at Mathias’s temples and momentarily calmed the doubt that had seized him since Allen slid those photos across the table. Despite the man being privy to Mathias’s laundry list of deeds over the years, Rayan hadn’t fallen prey to the same conclusion as the boss, somehow aware of the invisible line that existed—proof that Rayan knew him better than anyone else.

Mathias released him. “Apparently, he wasn’t convinced.”

They stood, mistrust crackling between them, the fallout of weeks of brutal pressure that had concluded with both of their lives upended.

“I know you came to the same conclusion,” Rayan said in a low voice. “You knew those photos had a chance to change the course of the investigation.”

Mathias had known. As soon as he’d held the glossy images in his hand, he’d realized what they could do.

“But you wouldn’t have used them.”

“No.”

“Because you’d never make a deal with the Feds. They can accuse you of everything else, but you’re not a rat. And that’s important. That means something to you.” Rayan glared at him, resolute. “You’re the only thing that means something to me. Rat, lie, kill—for you, I’ll fucking do it. Two years on the outside couldn’t change that, and I wasn’t going to let you stop me. So I did it. I did it so you didn’t have to.”

As much as Mathias hated to admit it, there was an underlying truth to Rayan’s assertion. Even when the situation had begun to look increasingly dire, that was one thing he couldn’t bringhimself to do. “What happened to playing model citizen?” Mathias taunted. “Come down from your high horse?”

“I told you, I know how to survive.”

After he’d made Rayan hand over the gun, Mathias had believed that the man had succeeded in shedding his ill-gotten gains—the sullied skills he’d taken on to serve the family and to serve him. But he realized Rayan hadn’t completely rid himself of his scrappiness and innate survival instincts. Those were baked in.

“That day with Junior, I don’t remember thinking,” Rayan said, refusing to back down. “I just knew I couldn’t let anything happen to you. I found those photos, and I had to try. If there was a chance to get Allen off your back, I was going to take it.”

“That wasn’t your call to make,” Mathias snarled.

“Yes, it was,” Rayan replied, his voice rising. “The same way it was my call to pull my gun on the kid. I wasn’t going to wait around for permission. You would’ve gone down rather than give the Feds the satisfaction. But it wasn’t just prison you were looking at. You told me yourself the family won’t hesitate to protect their larger interests—even if it meant making you disappear.”

“You went behind my back,” Mathias admonished him.

“Like you cutting me off so I would leave?” Rayan countered. “You knew I wouldn’t have otherwise.”

Mathias was struck by the parallel. He recalled his paralyzing fear for Rayan’s safety following the shooting and how it had overshadowed everything else. “That was different,” he said, sounding unconvincing even to himself.

“Was it? Did you think I’d just wait around for the family to finish you off—until it was your photo Allen showed me next?” Rayan’s voice caught, and he swallowed hard. “If that’s betrayal, fine, call it. I’d lose this—us—if it meant keeping you alive.”

He fell silent as they reached an impasse, neither of them able to cross it. In the past twenty-four hours, Mathias had beenturned on his head and shaken so that his bones rattled. He was stripped raw, confronted by his own failings, his convictions thrown back in his face.

“I hurt you,” Rayan said finally. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” Mathias sneered. “What do I fucking look like, a child?” He felt like one, alone again in the dark.

“So, what’s left?” Rayan asked tightly. “You get even, make me pay?”

Mathias struggled with the emptiness his words evoked. Those were the only acceptable solutions. He didn’t know anything else.

“If I broke something, let me fix it,” Rayan implored.

I’m tired of losing everything.

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