Page 70 of Growing Into Love

“Oh, Cass, it’s so obvious if you could just get out of your own way,” he says. “Stop being a stubborn Wright for one second and see things clearly. Of course Nigella is jealous! Look at you.” He flushes as I look down at myself, grubby jodhpurs and wrinkled fleece.

“Huh?” I say.

“You’ve got a family that adores you. You’ve got friends who care. You’ve got a home full of love. Where were Nigella’s parents at the other shows you two have competed in? Hm? Not there, I’ll tell you. Does she even have any real friends? D’you think there’s anyone in her life that would jump on a plane for her with under twenty-four hours’ notice? Not likely.”

My stomach lurches and I lick my lips. I sip my wine, my brain whirring over the points Jaz is making.

“She made fun of my sanctuary,” I say.

“Of course she did. She needs to poke fun at anything that can’t ever be hers. You’re so much more than a show jumper, Cass. You’re a sister and a friend. You’re a hard worker and animals adore you. Trust me, I know.”

“Dec’s better with them,” I point out.

“Stop that,” Jaz snaps. He takes another long drink of his beer and shakes some of the grass out of his curls. “Stop comparing yourself to every bloody person on this planet.”

“I’m only telling the truth,” I insist.

“Whose truth?” Jaz demands. “Yours? Declan’s? Mine? Because I can tell you, Cass, you don’t know shit about how I see you.”

My heart starts to beat as loud as a kettle drum. “You see me as Declan’s sister.”

“Not anymore, and you know it.”

I think back to the way he spoke to my brother on the phone this morning. I want so desperately to believe Jaz’s feelings are changing.

“Then tell me,” I say. “Tell me how you see me.”

Jaz struggles. “Can’t—I—got first—no time…”

“Oh for Christ’s sake, Jasar, spit it out!”

“I can’t!” he cries.

“Why not?”

“Because…because David! That’s why!”

I slam my hand down on the bar. “David’s not real, you idiot! I made him up. That text was meant for you, okay? It was meant foryou. How could I possibly have a boyfriend when it’s you I’ve always wanted?”

Jaz’s eyes go wide. I clap my hands over my mouth.Whatdid I just say?

I hear someone clear their throat. The bartender is standing there with Jaz’s dinner.

“I’ll just…leave this here,” he says, placing the bowl down and hurrying away.

There’s an awkward silence.

“The text was for me?” Jaz whispers.

My head throbs. A million ways to explain myself come to mind—but I decide to do the only thing I can think of in this moment. The grownup thing.

I leap from my stool and flee the restaurant.

TWENTY

JAZ

“Cass, wait!”I call.

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