Page 110 of Growing Into Love

“Is there any part of you that’s excited to be a mom?” she asks me.

My heart sinks. “I don’t feel any sense of, like, motherhood. And Theresa has all these expectations. But this baby…it doesn’t feel real, you know? It’s like some vague concept not a potential human. I don’t feel any connection to it.”

Autumn opens her mouth, but Winter interrupts. “That’s totally normal,” she says.

“Yes but—” Autumn begins but Winter silences her.

“No, Ren. Don’t try and make this better. I know you love this idea of a happy blended family, but Cass isn’t there yet. Don’t push her.”

“You love this idea?” I say to Autumn.

“Well, of course I wish it were you and Jaz having a baby,” Autumn says. “But…well, I guess selfishlyI’mexcited we get to raise kids together. We get to see them become friends and learn and play and all that. I’m excited for my baby to have a cousin to grow up with.”

“But it’s not really mine,” I say.

“Now that,” Winter says, pointing her trimming scissors at me, “is a very regressive way of thinking. I’m surprised at you, Cass. Come on—this situation is weird as fuck but you don’t need to push a tiny human out of your vagina to be a mom.”

“Um, ew?” I say.

“You’re as much a feminist as I am,” Winter says. “There are lots of ways to be a parent.”

“Exactly,” Autumn says.

“Besides,” Winter says. “Do you see us?” She points between her and Autumn. I frown.

“Yes,” I say warily, wondering where she’s going with this.

“Are Autumn and I your sisters?” she asks.

“Yes,” I say again.

“And yet, are we blood related to you?”

“Okay, okay, you’ve made your point.”

I take another drink of wine. Winter is right—I’m being very narrow-minded. It’s not that I’m holding anything against Baby. How could I? Baby is currently the size of a tadpole. And had as little choice in this matter as I did.

“You know, Cass,” Autumn says thoughtfully. “I remember when you stood up to your family before the Classic. You were right that everyone was still treating you like a little kid. And I know I’m trying to see the bright side in this situation, pushing you to embrace it when…well, if it were me, and Declan’s ex turned up pregnant with his child—”

“Ha,” I say. “What ex? Declan had all of one girlfriend before you and even that was barely a relationship.”

“Don’t interrupt me when I’m making a good point,” Autumn says, grinning at me in the mirror. “I’m saying it wouldn’t be easy. I’d be feeling a lot of feelings and not all of them nice ones. But you’re taking this in stride, Cass. Theresa is so damn lucky that you’re going to be in this child’s life and I’m really glad to hear she realizes that. I bet Jaz is thanking his lucky stars right now.”

“And you’re so capable, Cass,” Winter adds. “Theresa’s not wrong about that. You’ve been the Wright family support system for years. There’s nothing you can’t do when you put your mind to it, whether it’s running a sanctuary or coparenting with your boyfriend’s ex.”

“I guess,” I say. I was just hoping for a moment whenIcould be the one being supported. When I wouldn’t have to be sacrificing for other people.

But Winter is right. I’ll keep my head down and get the job done.

“Maybe you guys are making a good point,” I allow.

“Do you hear that, Autumn?”

“I hear it, Win.”

“It sounds like Cass is looking on the bright side.”

“It does indeed.”

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