Page 109 of Growing Into Love

Autumn has her head in the sink and Winter’s up to her elbows in shampoo.

“Hey!” she says brightly as I enter. “How’d it go?”

I let out a huge exhale and collapse onto the small couch.

Autumn lifts her head. “That well, huh?”

“It actually wasn’t terrible,” I admit. “Theresa seems to think I have some stunning insights into how to make a perfect happy family. Craig is really funny. I like him a lot.”

“I feel like there’s abutcoming,” Winter says.

How do I say what I’m feeling without sounding like a completely selfish cow?

Winter seems to sense my dilemma. “There’s wine in the mini fridge,” she says.

“Oh thank god.” I head over to the little nook where Winter keeps glasses and snacks.

“Pour me one too, will you?” Winter rinses Autumn’s hair and wraps it up in a towel. “Okay, so spill,” she says as I hand her a glass. Autumn sits in the salon chair. “This is a judgment free zone. Are you hating the fact that Jaz is having a baby with his ex? Because that would be totally understandable.”

I take a fortifying drink of wine.

“No. I mean, I’ve kind of accepted it,” I say. “It’s not my favorite life development, but it’s not like I have a choice in the matter.”

“And?” Winter asks tentatively.

I throw up my hand. “And I don’t have a choice in the matter! I’ve got to be Supportive Cass all over again. I was finally about to have myownthing. I was carving out my own space at Oak Hill. I was putting my stamp on my own family’s legacy. And now I have this whole new family that expects my support. And I’m not trying to complain—I’m happy to do it. Really. I mean, Jaz is so excited. I think he might be trying to rein it in on my account, but I know he’s just bursting with joy that he’s going to be a dad. And I know I can help ease tensions between him and Theresa when they come up because lord knows after Declan and Virgil being a pair of dickheads for nearly a decade, I’ve got massive amounts of experience in that area. I just didn’t want to have to, you know? I wanted to be able to focus on me.”

I slump back against the sofa and drink more wine. “Theresa’s got this whole list of things we have to get done before the baby arrives. And then once the baby is here, it’ll be madness. I’ve got to get my sanctuary up and running before that happens.” I look up at my sisters. “Do I sound like a horrible selfish cow?”

“Not even a little!” Autumn exclaims. “Cass, this is all perfectly normal.”

“Perfectly normal,” Winter agrees, taking a sip of wine.

“I think you’re handling this whole situation with so much grace,” Autumn says.

“Yeah, people keep saying that.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” Winter asks as she starts to comb out Autumn’s hair.

I shrug. “I’d rather not have to be graceful at all. I’d rather have the life I was imagining two weeks ago before this happened.”

“The sanctuary is one hundred percent going to be a reality,” Autumn says. “This won’t interfere with that.”

“You can’t know that for certain,” I say.

“Well, you’ve got that meeting with the team that did the inn all set up for next week. They’re coming Thursday morning—they confirmed with me earlier. You should have an email from them too.”

My stomach squirms. I’ve been doing the calculations and I still don’t have the money for a fence. I don’t want to ask Autumn and Dec for help. I want to do this on my own. I’m wondering if maybe Zara has any insights. Maybe there’s some easy quick way for me to make extra cash.

But then I think about Theresa and the promised spreadsheet. Will I even have time to make extra money?

I don’t want to worry my family though. I hike a smile on my face. “That’s great,” I say to Autumn. “I’m ready to get started.” The sooner the better. It will take several months for the barn to be completed which gives me time to sort out the fence situation. I’ve got to order hay, oats, alfalfa, some basic medical supplies, rakes, shovels, tack…

“Cass,” Winter says. “Stop freaking out. You won’t be alone in this. Autumn and I will help you.”

“Thanks, but you’ve got your salon to run,” I say. “And Autumn, you’ve got your own baby to think about.”

Autumn looks down and touches her stomach.

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