Dragging my hand down my face, I said firmly, “This isn’t the Five Families, Ava. I’m not a character out of a dodgy Netflix series with carnations and kisses of fucking death. I do what needs to be done. Do I always like it, no.
I took a deep breath, “You don’t understand the responsibility of being part of an organisation like this; I’m the leader, the one responsible for everything and everyone. I take my job very seriously. It takes strength, courage, and discipline. Everything I have, I tore from the world with my own two hands. But for every enemy I take down, more are waiting in the wings. There'salwaysanother pack of wolves hiding in the shadows, and if a rival alpha shows weakness, they will do their best to take him down and challenge him for that position. That can’t happen, Ava; there is too much at stake.
People rely on me,families. They respect me, trust me. Imustbe seen as the one with all the influence and power otherwise, I’m dead and so are those I’m responsible for.
The weight of being the Head ofanyorganisation, legit or otherwise ishuge. It’s a dog-eat-dog world. If someone goes after one of mine, Imustretaliate, it’s expected.” I paused, allowing my words to sink in before I added, “I already look weak for letting Quinn live.”
Ava’s expression sharpened and she shot out vehemently, “Compassion isnota weakness.”
I slowly shook my head, my expression softening. Ava may have learned how to defend herself in Milan but she was still innocent; one without a clue as to the true meaning of the world she lived in. Or should I say, the world she wastrappedin?
“It is for a man in my position. For my men to continue to give me their loyalty and trust, I must rule with an iron fist. Empathy, compassion, call it what you will, has no place in this life.”
“But you feel it, you’re human. You experience those emotions. I know you do. I’ve seen it.”
I ran my knuckles gently down her soft flushed cheek. The skin was warm to the touch, “Don’t try and make me into something I’m not, Ava. I’m a bad man, like father like son.”
“But you’renota murderer,
“I still kill people. Is there a difference?”
“Yes, you don’t kill in cold blood.”
“Semantics, sweetheart. When the time comes; I’ll beforcedinto hell with all the other soulless demons.”
“I think you’re wrong. You do have a soul.”
I sighed, raking a hand through my hair, “My soul has been remortgaged so many times that I doubt it willeverbelong to me. No number of rights can make up for my wrongs, Ava. That’sjustthe way it is.”
“Thereisa good man in you, Iknowit,” Ava said, her expression almost yearning.
My mouth twisted as I tasted my following words. They were bitter and came from the back of my throat, “Barely, you can banish reality for a short time, but it only resurfacestwiceas thick. If I were to confess all my sins and tell you the things I have done, you wouldn’t look at me the way you are right now.”
Her brow threaded, “And how am I looking at you?”
Tilting my head, I said softly, “With hope. Dreams of better things. Like I could give you whateverygirl wants.”
Her breath hitched, “And what’s that Kai? Whatdoesevery girl want, since you’re such an expert?”
“Love?”
I watched feeling shattered as her shoulders slumped.
“Give up on me, Ava. Treat the marriage proposal as it is intended.”
“What, as a cold-blooded business arrangement?”
“No, not entirely. We could be friends, I would respect you, and look after you.”
“Sounds peachy,” she snarked softly. This wasn’t the usual Ava, there was no punch behind her words.
I needed her to understand and so I explained my terms.
“Our marriage will be a temporary partnership for one year. The reason is to clean up my image and give you the protection you need by my name. As I said, you will want for nothing, you,andyour mother. You will live in my house and I will treat you well. You can set the terms of how we live in private, but to the outside world, itmustlook real. I will give you the independence you crave.”
“You missed a bit,” she said.
“Which bit?”