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Chapter Twenty-One

Hope

I felt hollow inside.

Like someone had thrust a jagged piece of glass inside of my body and scraped.

Like my freedom had been taken from me, along with my dignity and choices.

Physically numb and emotionally paralyzed, I tried to make sense of what had happened.

How I felt?

What he had done?

I couldn’t comprehend it.

No.

I saidno.

But he didn’t stop.

But I didn’t push him away either.

Did that mean Iwantedit?

Did my body want his touch?

Because my heart and brain had screamed no.

And still, I didn’t fuckingmove.

The only thing I knew for certain was that I didn’t want to put another thing inside of my body for as long as I lived.

He was sleeping beside me, passed out in a heap on the mattress just inches from where I lay.

Tilting my head to one side, I stared at his face.

You did this,the darkest part of my mind hissed,this is your fault. You made him do this.

Blinking away the steady stream of tears that were still falling from my eyes, I continued to stare at him – just trying to figure all of this out.

Did I make him do this?

Were my actions to blame?

This was Jordan.

Jordan.

He would never hurt me.

Hedidn’thurt me.

He tried to love me.

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