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“Show up to training with my mother?” I shook my head and laughed. “Come on, Ma, what are you trying to do to me? The coaches would never let me live it down.”

“What about Dad then?” she offered, tone hopeful.

“No.” I shook my head. “No Da. No you, and no Gibsie. I’ll go by myself.”

“Oh, Johnny, are you sure?”

“Hundred percent.”

“Fair enough.” She sighed. “But I’ll be thinking about you the entire time—and I’ll light a candle for you, pet.”

“Try not to worry about it,” I replied. “It’s just another day.”

“How about I do the worrying for the both of us?” she offered, smiling. “You just concentrate on blowing their socks off.”

“Yeah.” I pushed down my nerves and forced a smile. “I’ll do that.”

“Oh, you will,” she replied. “You always do, love.”

“How’s Shannon?” I asked, forcing the question out of my mouth, the one I was both desperate to ask and terrified to know the answer to. “Did she come out of her room today?”

“She came downstairs for a little while to visit with Claire and Lizzie.” Mam sighed heavily. “But she went back up to Joey shortly after. Aoife’s still up there, too. I told her that she can stay as long as she wants. She seems to be making more progress with him than anyone else.”

I nodded, slowly digesting everything. “And Darren?”

“He’s driving their nanny home,” Mam explained. “She’s such a lovely lady, Johnny. My heart goes out to the poor dear. Marie was her granddaughter, you know. She raised her from a small child.”

“Is Shannon eating yet?” I asked, unable to concentrate on anything other than my girlfriend. “Did she have anything today?”

“Yes, she had some soup with the girls,” Mam replied.

“Thank Christ,” I choked out, shoulders sagging in relief. “She’s after losing a lot of weight, Ma.”

“She’ll be okay, Johnny, love,” Mam coaxed. “She just needs some time to take it all on board. It’s a lot to process.”

I knew that, but it wasn’t easy watching her from a distance.

Mam chewed on her lip before saying, “I think she’s scared to let Joey out of her sight for fear he’ll run again.”

“It’s okay, Ma,” I muttered.

“I don’t want you feeling like you’re being left out,” Mam hurried to console. “She’s not mad at you, pet. She’s just grieving.”

“I know.”

“Are yousureyou know?”

No.“Yeah.” Pushing back my stool, I stood up and stretched my arms over my head. “I’m going to hit the sack. Try and turn my brain off for an hour.” I pressed a kiss to her brow before heading for the hallway “Night, Ma.”

“Good night, Johnny, love,” she called after me.

Closing the kitchen door behind me, I trailed down the hall and took the stairs three at a time, listening to the sound of voices coming from all directions. Tadhg and Ollie were back from the tree house, and I could hear them banging around in one of the spare bedrooms. It was so unusual to hear anything other than my own thoughts in this place that I took a moment to just stand in the landing and listen to the brothers arguing over sweets before making my way down to my room, forcing my legs to walk past the room I knewshewas in.

Slipping inside my room, I closed the door and pressed my forehead against the frame. Leaving the light off, I forced myself to breathe deeply and slowly. My mind was reeling, my thoughts a jumbled mess as I tried to focus on what was coming in the morning—what I knew I had to show up to both physically and mentally. Problem was, my mind was stuck on the girl in the room down the hall. The one I couldn’t fix. The one who owned me. What was I thinking, going tomorrow? It wasn’t like I could leave now. How could I leave her? Jesus Christ, I felt like I was going to explode…

“Hi, Johnny.”

Startled at the sound of Shannon’s voice, I spun around to find her sitting on the edge of my bed in the darkness. The moonlight pouring in from my bedroom window illuminated her pale face as she looked up at me with the loneliest expression I’d ever seen. “Hi, Shannon,” I replied, quickly clearing my throat when the words came out all thick and gruff. Wary, I remained exactly where I was, unsure of what she wanted me to do. “How are you feeling?”

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