Page 26 of Keeping 13

“I don’t sing anymore and I don’t dance. My favorite color is green, and I haven’t picked up a basketball since Da stuck a knife through mine for bouncing it against the side of the house. I stopped bringing home animals a long time ago because I realized I didn’t want them to be caged with me—when I realized they were safer in the wild than with me. I’m not going to go to college and become a vet because I’ve failed every single one of my classes for the last three years.”

I kept my gaze trained on his as I spoke. “Even if, by some miraculous intervention, I managed to pull my school marks up and pass my exams, I’m not naive enough to believe I could ever afford to go to college. I don’t want to travel the world anymore, and my ultimate ambition is to survive.” He flinched but I forced myself to finish. “The girl you remember is gone, Darren. I’m not her anymore. Whatever I used to be, he beat it out of me a long time ago.”

“I’m sorry, Shannon” was all he said.

“Yeah.” I sighed. “I’m sorry, too, Darren.”

“We need to talk about what’s going to happen next,” he said after a long pause. His tone was hesitant, his eyes wary. “It’s important.”

Swallowing, I nodded. “Okay.”

“Do you trust me?”

“No.”

Darren flinched. “I deserve that.”

“It’s not about what you deserve,” I croaked out, voice raspy. “It’s how I feel.”

“Fair enough,” he mumbled, rubbing his jaw. “But social services are breathing down Mam’s neck. You know what that means.”

Yeah, I did. I wasn’t entirely sure I cared anymore, but I definitely knew what it meant forus.

“I’m prepared to move back home and take care of you guys until Mam gets back on her feet and we get this whole mess cleared up. The social workers involved in the case are supportive of this arrangement and are confident enough to allow you to come home to us,” Darren continued. “I’ve spoken to Alex and he understands, and my boss is willing to let me work mostly from home. I will be required to make an appearance at the office once a week, but we can work around that once you guys go back to school after the Easter holidays. But none of this works without Mam. Without one decent parent in the mix. We need to support her, too, Shan. Regardless of what Joey says, we need to show a united front.”

“When you say support her, what do you mean?” I wasn’t sure why I asked that question when the answer was obvious.

“Basically, when they ask you about your relationship with Mam, you need to remind them that she’s a good mother who tried her best for you, provided as stable a home as she could, and financially supported the five of you on her own. Tell them about how she enrolled you in Tommen when she found out you were being bullied at BCS, and how she loves you very much.”

“So you want me to lie?” I whispered.

“It’s not a lie. She’s a victim, too, Shannon,” he said with a weary sigh. “And right now, she’s about all that stands between you and the foster care system.” His eyes darkened then and he looked away. “And whatever Joey says, trust me when I tell you that you don’t want that.”

Pain churned inside of me for all he’d been through. “Are you okay?”

He blinked at me, looking a little startled by my question. “Me?”

I nodded.

“I’m okay.” He blew out a harsh breath. “I’m just worried.”

“Me too,” I squeezed out.

“I don’t want you to go into care,” he added, voice torn. “Aside from all my own issues, it’s not a good place for any of you. You’re doing well at Tommen. If they take you, you’ll be moved to a new school and have to start all over again.”

My heart seized with dread. “I want to stay at Tommen,” I choked out.

“I know,” he agreed. “And I’m going to make sure you do. I’ll cover the fees. I’ll do whatever it takes, but I need you to support me on this.”

“Joey won’t.” My hands shook as I spoke. “He won’t live under the same roof as her, Darren. You don’t know what it’s been like for him.”

“Joey’s irrelevant in this,” Darren muttered, rubbing his temples. “He’s over eighteen.”

“That doesn’t make him irrelevant,” I snapped, glaring at my oldest brother. “He’s the most relevant thing in our lives,Darren.”

He sighed heavily. “I know, I know. I didn’t mean it to come out like that—”

“Did you know that Sean called Joey ‘Da-Da’ until he was two?” I interrupted sharply. My eyes were wide and full of unshed tears, my hands balled into fists and shaking at my sides. “Sean actually thought his brother was hisdaddy. I suppose it would be an easy mistake to make, you know, considering Joey sat up most nights doing his night feeds and changing his nappies when Mam was working nights or drowning in her depression. So, go ahead and tell Sean how irrelevant Joey is. Or better still, tell Ollie and Tadhg that every time Joey slept outside their bedroom door, for fear our father would go after them, was irrelevant. Tell them about how all the beatings Joey took for them were irrelevant. Tell me howirrelevantthe brother who fed us when we were starving, stuck up for us when we had no one, gave us money when we needed it for school—” My voice cracked and I dragged in several deep breaths before I could continue. “Tellmehow irrelevant he is, Darren,” I choked out, feeling the burning protest of my lungs from the sudden exertion. “Go right ahead and do it!”

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