Page 21 of The Coffee Shop

“No, I don’t,” I say, hesitant. This conversation has never gone well in the past, and I’m not sure why I’m even having it.

Why did I even say anything?I could have just said I’m on the pill like I always do, but there’s just something about these men.

I don’t want to lie to them.

“You had to be pretty sure of that decision to make it, so why do you look ashamed?” Luke asks, furrowing his brows at me.

“Because…” I bite at my lip, trying to figure out what to say. I look over at Sebastian to find he has the same concerned expression. So I tell them everything. “Because every time I tell someone that I don’t want kids, they automatically assume that Ihatethem, which couldn’t be further from the truth. They tell me that I’m just not mature enough yet, to give it time. That this is just a ‘fad’ brought on by the media and that it’s selfish not to have them. That when Igrow upenough, I will want them. Thatnothaving kids would be the biggest mistakeof my life and that I will never understand what it means to be a woman until I have them,” I say the words quickly, remembering each and every time those exact things were said to me.

Howmanytimes those words were thrown at me.

I feel tears stinging my eyes. Feel the frustration, the anger all over again. I’m gripping the blanket tightly, looking between the men staring back at me. Luke looks… sympathetic, whereas Sebastian… he just looksangry.

“Who. In. The.Fuck, told you that you weren’t awomanfor deciding not to bear children,” Sebastian spits out, his tone harsher than I’ve ever heard from him.

“Lots of people,” I say quietly. “Family, friends, customers, strangers on the street. They always askwhenI’m having kids, notifI want them. Theyreassureme that when I do have kids, I will understand. When I tell people, they just don’t believe me. They dismiss me completely, let alone take the time to understand it. And you’re right, it’s not a decision I took lightly. I’m not ashamed, I’m just… wary of telling people. Because I already know their reaction,” I look down at the quilted duvet, picking at a loose string.

“It’s your body, your life, your choice. What you do with it is nobody’s business aside from your own. If Ieverhear anyone tell you that you are immature for deciding what you want out of your life, I’ll rip their fucking throats out,” Luke says.

My eyes flash to his and I think I actually believe him. I’ve never seen this violent side to him. Sebastian, yes. ButLuke?I look between them, not sure what to make of it. Because I’ve never had anyonelisten,let alonebelieveme.

Then my tears do fall, becausefuck.

No one has ever seen me. Not like this.

“When Seb and I got the surgery,” Luke says, rubbing a hand over his mouth, “no one questioned it. We’re men, and we were cops, so it made sense to them. But Jesus fucking Christ. I cannot believe that anyone would be so careless as to make you feellessbecause of your decision.”

“Well, it happens. A couple times a week,” I say, just now realizing how often it happens. I have just gotten to the point where I’m used to it. “I just… I can’t bear the thought of doing something I don’t want just because it’s expected of me. That wouldn’t be fair to the child, and I would wind up resenting them for it. Even though I don’t know what I want to do with my life, I know it’s not raising children.” I say, suddenly realizing that this is the first time I’ve said those words out loud.

Luke reaches out his hand, and I take it as my tears continue to fall.

“And the worst part? Is that I know what I’m missing out on. I do. Everytime I hold a baby, or see a child laughing, I feel the loss of what I’ll never have. But every choice comes with sacrifice. And I don’t regret mine.”

“Well that doesn’t sound immature to me,” Sebastian states, giving me a smile that melts my heart. I suddenly remember what he said to me last night, how similar his words were to my own and I know he understands.They both do,I think, looking over at Luke.

I take a breath and strangely, I feel… relieved.

We’re quiet for a long moment.

“Well Leena, what do you want? Right now, what can we do for you? Anything at all,” Luke says and the way he says it makes me realize that I really could askfor anything. If I wanted a coffee from my favorite cafe six hours away, they would take me there. If I wanted to paint over all the goddamn floral wallpaper that is in this house, they would buy the paint.

I could ask to go home and they would protect me.

“I want…” I say, looking between the two of them, “I want both of you,” I whisper. And I’m afraid that I’m not just talking about the sex anymore. I don’t know what’s happening between us, but I know it’smore. That’s it, it’s just…more.

“Well darling, if you want both of us…” Sebastian says, looking over to Luke who leans in, brushing his nose against my cheek before whispering, “then you should know that we’re already yours.”

Chapter Ten

SEBASTIAN

Ithought I knew everything about Leena, but this girl just keeps surprising me. I knew she went against her father when she ran off to live her own life instead of helping with the family business. Knew that she gave up a job that would give her more money than god. Hell, she gave up her own family, because she didn’t want to use that business degree to broker arms deals or traffic drugs.

Because that’s just who Leena is.

But to find out that after all that, she has been constantly put down, made to feel less, by those around her for making a decision that is nobody’s goddamn business? She shouldn’t have to deal with that. Or deal with working a shitty fucking job. She should be living the life she deserves. Instead, she has spent her entire adult life on the run because of the decisions her father continues to make. It enrages me, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.

But I can do one thing.

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