Page 39 of Blood, Shadow & Claw

"Goodbye, Ajax," I said to the empty room, the name tasting bittersweet on my tongue. "I hope you find what you're looking for." And with that, I zipped up the last suitcase, my decision etched into the finality of that sound.

I shuffled to the mirror, my grip on the suitcase handles tight enough to whiten my knuckles. Catching sight of myself was both jarring and revealing; there I stood, a tall figure with waves of brown hair cascading over my shoulders and hazel eyes staring back at me. They were fierce with a determination that surprised even me, but beneath that, a shimmering layer of vulnerability betrayed my inner turmoil. The strength I saw wasn't just muscle or might—it was the sheer will to protect those I loved, even if it meant tearing myself away from them.

"Okay, Mazie," I muttered, exhaling, "you can do this." The reflection showed more than just my appearance; it was like looking into the heart of who I was—someone who could stand up when everything else wanted to crumple. I straightened up, smoothing down my shirt, not for vanity but as an attempt to piece together a crumbling facade.

I practiced my words in my head, anticipating Ajax's reaction. His face flashed in my mind with those piercing blue eyes that had always seemed to look right through me. "Ajax, I have to go," I rehearsed silently, the sentence heavy and sour on my tongue. It felt like a betrayal, yet I knew it was a sacrifice.

I took a deep breath and braced myself against the dresser, wood excellent under my palms. I needed to find him and speak these words that clawed at my throat. A conversation loomed ahead, one that would splinter my heart whether I was ready for it or not. The weight of the decision pushed down on me, a physical force that threatened to crush my resolve.

"Because I love you, I need to leave," I whispered, practicing thefarewell I dreaded. It was a paradox, a twisted sense of duty that demanded I abandon my mate for the greater good of the pack that never quite accepted me. "You need a mate who fits, who doesn't bring chaos into your ordered world."

The cabin was quiet around me, its silence pressing in like an unspoken agreement to my departure. For a moment, I allowed myself to feel the loss—the hollow ache of leaving behind a man and a community that I thought would be mine. But then, the ache transformed into something fiercer, a kind of courage that fortified my spine.

"Time to face this," I said to the woman in the mirror, her eyes now glinting with a resolve that matched the steel in her voice. She nodded back at me, understanding that this was more than just walking away; it was stepping into an unknown future where she might learn what it truly means to belong.

I pushed the door open to Ajax's study, the air thick with the musky scent of pine and leather that was uniquely his. My heart squeezed painfully at the room's emptiness, no sign of the powerful umbra who had become my world. It was as if he had vanished, leaving only the ghost of his touch in the lingering warmth of the chair, the indent of his body on the cushion.

His absence was tangible, wrapping around me like the chill of an unspoken goodbye. I couldn't help but remember the nights spent curled by the fire here, when his laughter filled the space, making it feel like home. Now, it felt hollow, a bittersweet echo of memories that might be all I'd have left of us.

My fingers brushed against the smooth surface of his desk, tracing the grain of the wood before they found the paper and pen. I hesitated, the enormity of what I was about to do pressing down on me. This letter would be the last piece of me he'd have, the final closure on the chapter we had started together.

With trembling hands, I began to write, every word heavy with the love and sorrow that flowed from my heart onto the page.

"Dear Ajax," I scribbled, the ink blotting as it met the tears I couldn't hold back. "I never imagined writing this letter, neverthought I'd have the strength to say goodbye. But here I am, trying to find the words to explain why I must leave."

The confession spilled out, raw and honest. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. But our love has become a weapon they're using against you, against us. I can't stand by and watch as your leadership and legacy are threatened by me."

I paused, the ache in my chest growing as I pictured his face, those piercing blue eyes that saw through all my walls. "You deserve a mate who brings peace to your life, not chaos. Someone who can stand beside you without casting shadows on your rule."

A sob broke free as I folded the letter, sealing away the pieces of my shattered dreams. I knew leaving was the right choice for the pack, for him, even if it meant tearing myself away from the only place I'd hoped to belong.

"I'm sorry for not saying this in person, for not having the courage to look into your eyes one last time," I wrote in a postscript, a whisper of regret. "I'm leaving to make a fresh start; somewhere, my presence won’t cause conflict or doubts. Somewhere I can maybe, finally, find a place where I fit."

The letter lay finished on his desk, a silent testament to the love that could have been. I stood there longer, surrounded by the remnants of a life I was leaving behind. Then, with one last look around the empty room that held so many promises, I turned and walked away, carrying the heavy weight of my decision and the fragile hope of finding where I truly belonged.

I wiped away the tears that clung to my cheeks, little traitors that told of my heartache. But with every tear shed, a spark of something else ignited within me—a mix of gratitude for the moments I'd shared with Ajax and the pack and determination to stand tall, regardless of the pain it brought.

Kayla,age9

I watched, my heart squeezing so tight I could hardly catch my breath, as Mazie's car drove away from the pack. I didn’t know what was happening, but something inside me knew this wasn’t just a ride into town. Mazie was leaving. I knew Raylene didn’t like her. She’d meet with some older pack members after she thought I’d gone to sleep. The things she would say about Mazie weren’t nice.

It made little sense. Mazie had been so kind to me the day at the stream. Most people didn’t even notice I was around, let alone take the time to teach me something. I hated that our time together was cut short. Mazie seemed like a good person. She’d be a good mom. I just knew it. She reminded me of my mom before she died.

Sadness gripped my heart. I didn’t want Mazie to leave us. "Wait," I pleaded, but the word was trapped in my throat, and she was already too far gone. Somebody needed to follow her to make sure she stayed safe. Some hunters caught my parents. What if that happened to Mazie? I felt so scared. My body was shaking, and something was happening inside that I didn’t quite understand.

I’d never felt connected to my umbra before. But this had to be my umbra, warning me to help Mazie. As much as I didn’t want to feel the pain of my first shift, I didn’t want something terrible to happen to Mazie. It was worth the risk.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and thought about the umbra inside me. I imagined how strong and loyal she was and called her out. A hot feeling spread in my chest, moving through my body like a fire. Tears gathered in my eyes, but I didn’t stop calling her forward as my bones cracked and shifted. My muscles changed slowly and painfully. I held back a scream as my teeth grew long and sharp.

The ground seemed to spin, leaves and dirt blurred as my senses got sharper. I could hear things louder—the rustling of leaves, a squirrel chattering far away, my fast breathing. I could smell so many things—earth, pine trees, and just a hint of Mazie's flowery perfume.

I’d never felt so scared or alone. What if I became stuck in my umbra's form? What if the hunters found me? What if the huntersfound Mazie? I had to help her. I had to follow the scent of her perfume.

"Focus," I said through gritted teeth, the word sounding like a growl. "For Mazie."

My limbs stretched out, fur grew on my skin, and I stumbled forward on big, new paws, feeling lost in my new body. I was huge, strong, and scared. Trying to take a step, I tripped over my paws and landed muzzle-first in a pine tree. Grunting, I sat on my back paws and swatted at my face. This was going to take some getting used to. However, I didn’t have time to mess around.

I returned to my feet and focused on moving with alternating legs. Once I could navigate a few steps, I went a few more and tried a brief run. It was shaky and likely strange to see, but I didn’t care.

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