Page 38 of Blood, Shadow & Claw

"Who said that?" He asked, anger flashing in his eyes.

"Does it matter?" I choked out, the tears spilling down my cheeks. "The truth is... they're right. Maybe everyone would be better off if I wasn't here."

"You don't believe that," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Maybe I do," I confessed, heartbreaking with each word. "I can't risk the safety of your pack, Ajax. Not for my happiness."

"Let me worry about the pack," he insisted, pulling me close again. "You belong here, Mazie. With me."

But as much as I wanted to believe him, the doubts continued to gnaw away at me, leaving me lost and vulnerable in the darkness of my mind.

14

MAZIE

Ishuffled into Nanny Kae’s cozy kitchen. The scent of fresh herbs and cinnamon swirled around me like a comforting embrace. Nanny Kae was there, her hands dusted with flour as she worked on what I guessed to be another batch of her famous umbra-claw pastries. "Nanny Kae, I'm sorry," I blurted out, my voice shaky with nerves. "If I've done anything to upset you, I..."

She turned from the counter, her face softening as she studied me. The lines around her eyes told stories of love, laughter, wisdom, and sorrow. "Child," she said, wiping her hands on her apron, "the only thing that would upset me is if you let those women get to you. Don't you dare back down to them?"

Her words hit me harder than I expected. Tears stung my eyes, and I felt the dam inside me crumble. With a heaving sigh, I sank onto one of the wooden chairs. "I just don't know if I can do this anymore, Nanny Kae," I confessed, burying my face in my hands.

"Tell me everything, dear." Her voice was a gentle command, wrapping around me like a warm shawl.

And so I did. I poured out my heart to her, every word laced with the ache of feeling like an outsider. The hurtful comments, the sideways glances, the whispers at my back – they all tumbled out ina torrent. I told her about the tension that seemed to crackle in the air, the mistrust that followed me like a shadow since I arrived. With each word, I could feel the weight on my chest grow heavier, my place in this new world sinking further into uncertainty.

"Sometimes, I feel like I'm invisible," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "Or worse, like I'm just... wrong. All wrong for Ajax, for this pack. I thought I'd find a family here, but there's this wall I can't break through."

"Those walls were built long before you got here, Mazie," Nanny Kae said, her tone firm but kind. "And you are not responsible for tearing them down alone. Remember when I told you I’d summoned you to our pack?"

I nodded.

“You're something special, Mazie. I don’t know what path you should take, but I know that our pack will forever be blessed by your time here. Don’t give up on us yet.”

I nodded again, knowing she was right but still feeling adrift. That sense of belonging I'd yearned for seemed as elusive as ever, and I wondered if I'd ever find my place among the umbra’s who were supposed to be my kin. My mind raced with doubts, and my heart was a patchwork of hope and fear.

"Look at me, Mazie." Nanny Kae's voice cut through my spiraling thoughts. I lifted my gaze to meet hers, finding an unwavering strength there. "You are strong, loved, and belong here just as much as us. Remember that."

I nodded again, a small smile trying to fight its way onto my lips through the tears. She was right. I knew she was. Heavy and unspoken, the question that hung in the air was whether knowing that would be enough.

I stepped back into the shared cabin, the silence greeting me like an unwelcome guest. The air felt still, and I knew even before scanning the empty rooms that Ajax was gone again. Clenching my fists, I tried to quell the rising panic. His absences were becoming more frequent, and I felt another piece of my heart splinter off each time he left without a word.

"Where are you?" I murmured, my voice sounding foreign in thequiet. I wished it had been like the night of the ritual when I could hear his voice in my mind. But that wasn’t how things worked. No matter how many times I called for him, no answer came, only the soft creak of the wooden floor beneath my feet as I wandered through the living space, searching for any sign of him. Then my phone buzzed, shattering the silence, and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

The screen lit up with a number I didn't recognize, but the message was clear and cold as ice: "He can't protect you. Not from us. Not from the truth."

I sucked in a sharp breath, reading the words over and over until they blurred before my eyes. Protect the pack. Protect Ajax. The mantra echoed in my head, drowning out the noise of my fears. It was all so overwhelming: the secrets, the lies, the mistrust that poisoned everything around me.

I know what I have to do.

My hands trembled as I slid open drawers and yanked clothes from hangers. Each article I folded felt like a farewell, a whisper of fabric against skin. Sadness clung to me, heavy as a winter coat, and anger simmered beneath, threatening to boil over. Yet the longing for acceptance throbbed most painfully among the tumult of emotions.

"Damn it, Ajax," I breathed out, squeezing a plush sweater in my fist. I had come here full of dreams, thinking I'd found a place where I could be both Mazie Green—fashion lover, influencer, human—and a part of something ancient and wild. My chest ached with the need to belong, to be understood and embraced by this pack, but instead, I was packing up my life into suitcases, preparing to leave the very dream I'd clung to so desperately.

I paused, a pair of boots in hand, and allowed myself to picture the harmony I'd sought—a family united, a love unchallenged, a home secure. But those images flickered and faded like dying embers, snuffed out by the chilling reality.

"You can't stay where you're not wanted, right?" I whispered. My reflection in the window showed a girl caught between worlds, neither fully human nor umbra, just perpetually on the outside looking in.

I felt my resolve harden with every item I placed into my bags. I wasn't going to wait around to be cast out or, worse, be the cause of their undoing. No, I would leave on my terms, take the hurt and the confusion with me, and spare Ajax the burden of a mate who brought nothing but trouble.

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