Page 20 of My Crush's Brother

Iwatch as Pearl casually moves around my kitchen, whipping pancake batter while closing the fridge with her hip. It’s been a few weeks since our first night together and I’ve thought of little else besides when the next time I’ll be able to feel her was going to be. I take another sip of my coffee from my vantage point in the doorway. She insists I let her cook and not interrupt her ‘perfect pancake recipe.’

I can’t help but smile when I see a small blush creep up her neck when she sees that I’ve been watching her. My t-shirt she’s wearing cover just to the top of her thighs and every time she reaches up or slightly bends over I can see the bottom of her ass peeking out. I toss her a little wink and smirk to see her giggle. My chest tightens at the lovely sound that she makes. It’s unnerving how natural things seem between us, how easy she just fits into my life. It’s not just the sex, it’s the way her smile makes me fell. How I can see her eyes light up when I smile at her, the way she lays perfectly in the nook of my arm, against my chest when she reads. How her scent has permeated every inch of my cabin.

I feel the knots start to form in my stomach as I think about our future...or lack thereof. We never finished the conversationoutside the bar, my guess is we’re both living in denial. I leave for Bozeman in six days...I want to savor every second I have with her but at the same time I want to run away and not face how hard leaving her is going to be.

“What’s going through that head of yours?” I didn’t even hear her sneak up behind me. She snakes her arms around my waist and lays her hands flat against my chest. Her warmth feels so right against me, so real and pure.

“Just going through a mental checklist of things I still need to get done before I head up to Montana.” I can almost feel the warmth leave between us when I mention leaving. I knew it would kill the mood but I need to put some space between us and regain mental clarity. We stand in silence for a moment, neither of us moving. Finally I step out of her embrace and turn toward the kitchen.

“Smells delicious, you trying to fatten me up?” I pat my belly and hope I’ve lightened the mood but she doesn’t move. She’s staring out the back window still and I can the small hint of a tear forming at the corner of her eye. I take a step to move toward her but she quickly turns and heads toward the bedroom.

“Go ahead and eat, I’ll be right out.” She says with a half smile before disappearing around the corner. I recognize the attempt at self preservation and don’t push the matter. Either we face the music and have a conversation about it or we’ll continue to be in denial and avoid it till I leave.

It’s Sunday, so neither of us have work. Pearl has been working less shifts at the restaurant since business has picked up at the cabins. We sit sipping our coffee in silence as the wind rustles through the Aspens.

“I love it here,” she says barely above a whisper. “Think you’ll ever leave here? Permanently I mean?”

I rub the back of my neck, “I dunno, haven’t given it too much thought. I suppose I would after ma passes. I don’t really havea reason to stay other than her.” I stare straight ahead when I respond but I can feel her eyes on me.

Without a word she gets up and walks back in the cabin, letting the door slam. I can feel the tension radiating off her body from outside. I give it a minute before following her.

“Pearl?” I look around but I don’t see her anywhere until she walks out of the bedroom fully dressed in her own clothes with her purse.

“You heading out?” I ask.

She stomps over to the front door and shoves her foot into her boot, yanking it on before repeating the process with the other one.

“Yeah. I don’t want to keep you around here since you clearly have no reason to stay. Maybe you can get a head start since you want to run away so bad.” She turns and places her hand on the doorknob. In three steps I’m across the room and put my hand against the door preventing her from opening it.

“God dammit Pearl I knew you’d take it the wrong way.” The truth is there really isn’t any other way she could take what I said and I knew that when I said it. I’m a coward and instead of just manning up and telling her that I can’t be her future I’d rather just make her hate me.

“Seriously? How the hell else could I take that Blake? Clearly I’m just a good time fuck for you...hell, maybe it’s not even a good time. I’m just another notch in Blake Winthrop’s belt buckle. No need to sugar coat it with me okay, I’m a big girl.”

“Yeah clearly.”

“What Blake? Just say whatever it is that’s on your mind!” She’s yelling now.

“You say you’re a big girl, and you act like I’m the bad guy here when you’re the one that is using me to get over my own damn brother! Wasn’t it just a few months ago you climbed into my bed thinking it was him saying you loved him? And now allthe sudden those feelings are magically gone so you can get into my bed? You’re throwing a tantrum when you’re the one who suggested we just enjoy the time we had together. Isn’t that right Pearl?” I hate that I’ve lost my temper with her again.

I can see tears welling up in her eyes and instead of yelling back at me or slapping me like she should she just hangs her head as sobs roll out of her. Her shoulders hunch forward and she covers her face with her hands.

I want to reach out and comfort her but the truth is, I’m just a good time for her too. I’ve let myself fall for someone who just sees me as a rebound from her true love, my own brother.

“Hey Blake,how’s the business going? You left for Montana yet?” I cradle my phone between my shoulder and ear as I lean down and gather up my tackle box equipment.

“Not yet, I head out on Saturday. I’m just heading down to Durango for a day or two for some fishing before I head out.”

“Durango? Why the hell would you drive seven hours away…” He stops. “What happened?” He says with a sigh. “Tracey call you?”

“What? No. Well, actually yeah she did but that has nothing to do with my trip.” I know my little brother can smell my bullshit from a mile away.

“Riiiight. You live at the edge of Grand Lake and within an hour of some of the best fishing spots in Colorado and you’re just taking a quick seven hour road trip? Spill it old man.” I can’t help but laugh at how perceptive he is.

I take in a breath, I’m not even sure where to start. “Tracey did call me a while back. Said she’d been doing some thinkingand wants to talk. She tried coming to town but I told her no. I haven’t heard from her since. But that’s not the problem…” I let the silence hang in the air.

“No?”

“I uh...I think I messed up.”

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