Page 101 of Shattered Hearts

The words he doesn’t say hang between us.

He would die for me, and his brother already did.

Lifting my chin, I don’t turn away. I want him to see I completely understand everything.

Without washing up, he gets out of the shower. After I’m finished shaving and washing my hair, I wrap a towel around myself and step into the empty kitchen.

He and Baby are gone.

I don’t hurry while I dress and apply my makeup, hoping he went out to grab a takeaway breakfast, but after an hour he still hadn’t come back, and I face up to the fact he went to work without telling me goodbye.

Wishing I had my driver’s license, I call the car service. You’d think it would be nice being driven around everywhere, and it’s convenient in a city this size not having to worry about parking, but in the end, you have to depend on someone else.

The driver’s prompt, but the traffic’s thick, and I arrive at Jerricka’s office a little before lunchtime. Stella texts and lets me know she’s in the city and waiting at Zane’s office. I don’t worry she’ll be bored—I’m sure she’ll find plenty to do there, if you get my meaning.

I walk into the entryway of Jerricka’s office, and Susan, Jerricka’s receptionist, widens her eyes. Jerricka must have already told her I wouldn’t be back.

“She’s seeing a client now, Miss Maddox, but she’ll have a few moments after her appointment is done.”

“That’s fine. I can wait. Thank you.”

I’m a little nervous about seeing her. Will she be angry? Concerned? Last night I took the medication she prescribed, and I packed the pills I still take in the morning when I put a bagtogether to spend the night at Gage’s. I look forward to another dosage adjustment. It can’t be long now until I’m done with what Ash was forcing on me at Quiet Meadows.

Ten minutes later Jerricka opens the door to her office. Her client must be using the lounge. “Zarah, I’m so happy you’ve come to see me,” she gushes, her arms stretched out in welcome. “Let’s talk in my office. I was wondering if I should reach out to tell you goodbye. Your brother’s phone call yesterday unsettled me.”

“It unsettled me, too,” I say, pulling my jacket off and hanging my purse on the coat tree. This isn’t a normal session, but old habits die hard. “He thought I could use a break and let you go without consulting me.”

Jerricka doesn’t pick up her tablet like she usually does, instead, she rests her butt against the edge of her desk and fidgets, a pen between her fingers. “Do you agree with him?”

“Kind of. These past few weeks have been difficult, you know.”

“Yes, I do, but I also know you don’t get anywhere without hard work. If you were to stop therapy now, what would that do to your mental health? Who would you speak to if you needed an opinion or advice? We talk about issues you feel you can’t share with your family.”

“I know.” I sigh and stare out the window.

She rests a hand on my shoulder. “What’s the real reason your brother called me yesterday? Was I too rough during our last session? Zarah, I’m only trying to lead you on the right path where Gage is concerned. He means a great deal to you—I can tell by the way you talk about him. I want to guide you into a healthy relationship, and I think it’s important to talk about things, especially after your negative sexual experiences. We were only just beginning to touch on what Ashton Black made you do.”

Twisting my fingers together, I think about what to tell her. Transparency is the key to therapy. If I can’t tell her the truth and tell her everything, it wastes my time and hers, but I don’t want to betray Gage and Zane. I owe them more loyalty than I do Jerricka. They’re my family. She’s not. I can’t even consider her a friend. I’d rather hide from her if I saw her in public than admit to anyone who could see us that I go to therapy.

“It’s nothing, really,” I say, deciding to downplay what Iona Belsely told my brother. “Zane found out you work with Dr. Pederson, a psychiatrist who used to treat patients at Quiet Meadows. Because I was kept there under false pretenses, he and Gage think it’s a good idea if I distance myself from the sanatorium and everyone who used to work there. Unfortunately, that includes you by association.”

“I see. Well, you’ve been honest with me, and I’ll be honest with you in return. Gage Davenport knew a long time ago I collaborate with Dr. Pederson. He came to see me before Thanksgiving about a case he and his father were working on.”

I nod, and she lifts her eyebrows. “I know. He told Zane.”

“That was quite a few weeks ago. Why the change now?”

I blow out a breath. “Because when Gage brought me to Quiet Meadows, he wanted to see if it triggered any memories, if I could dredge anything up under the drugs I’m still on.”

Jerricka stiffens like she did the first time I told her, but this time she leans forward, a curious glint in her eyes. “And did you?”

“Yes. The memories weren’t pleasant. That’s why Zane wants me to stop seeing you. Iona Belsely said you used to walk the rounds with Dr. Pederson, and I was abused there. He thinks it’s best if I take a break. Maybe he’s right.”

She holds my hand and leads me to the couch. I glance at the clock, but she shakes her head. “Don’t worry about the time.Let’s focus on you right now. What did you remember about the facility? How do you know they’re real memories?”

“That’s what I was worried about at first, that I was remembering nightmares, but Gage picked the locks and we walked around inside. I remembered an elevator code to the basement. What I remembered, Jerricka, it was too horrific to only be a nightmare. They were torturing me, testing to see if the drugs they were giving me were working.”

“Zarah, I—”

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