Page 45 of Still Falling for You

Aaron looks torn, his lip cinched between his teeth. He’s calculating whether he can leave me alone with Eva.

‘I’m not going to bite her head off,’ I bark at him. He scowls, but nevertheless, leaves to fetch my rug.

We wait, Eva fidgeting with the hem of her sleeve. I make her nervous. Despite my poker face, my insides are in ribbons, and at any moment I could vomit out my lunch.

I just about catch her whispered words. ‘I know what Aaron meant about the ice-queen act.’ I see red.

‘Fuck you,’ I cry out, and she shudders at the volume of my voice. ‘You should be ashamed of yourself. Sleeping with a man who isn’t single and ruining somebody’s life like that. What stops him from doing it to you? Anyway, good luck with that.’ Her eyes glisten with tears.

‘I think we threw the mats away,’ Aaron says contritely when he comes back, passing me the heavy rug. I don’t blame him. I’m feeling very unpredictable, some would say unstable.

‘Goodbye, Aaron,’ I say with a flare and turn around. We are done.

I stuff the rug in the boot of the taxi, sweating and heaving with the effort, but the taxi driver only shrugs at my newly acquired baggage. I feel proud of myself. That is until I arrive at the restaurant laden with a massive rug and nowhere to put it.

Still pumped up on adrenalin, I give the waitress standing by aplease wait to be seatedsign an honest explanation when her eyes home in on the interior accessory. ‘I don’t normally go to restaurants with rugs, but I had to pick it up from my ex-boyfriend who after we purchased a bungalow together cheated on me and then refused to give me my share. I almost made his pregnant girlfriend heft the rug across the bungalowand threatened them both with a solicitor if they didn’t pay up because I can barely afford to pay rent. Think me a terrible person, but I had to get my rug back because I really really like it.’ My words turn a little loud, and I have to dial my voice down. The auburn-haired waitress sniffs inconspicuously during my story, and I end up passing her a tissue.

‘It’s a nice rug. Good for you,’ is all she says and lets me store it in the staffroom. My belief in good people is restored.

Regaining some dignity, I announce with pretended composure, ‘I’m meeting a friend. She booked a table for two. Lydia Dean?’

‘This way,’ she says gruffly, and I follow.

The restaurant is busy. Every square table decorated with candles in intricate bronze holders emanating a buttery glow is taken up. The restaurant is mostly filled with couples, and the intimate atmosphere of dark mahogany furniture, bronze table dividers and tall bamboo plants is perfect for a romantic evening. But my mood is miles away from romantic endeavours and much closer to planning a homicide.

I feel a little over-dressed, and my lipstick feels tar-thick on my lips. I make a movement to wipe it discreetly but stop in my tracks at the sight of a solitary figure sitting by the bar. Automatically, my pulse picks up like I’ve run up a flight of stairs and then another. I frown as he checks his watch like he’s waiting for someone and the thought of witnessing Alex on a date sends me spiralling, a feeling similar to sliding down a helter-skelter at forty miles per hour. As if he’s heard my mental processes, his ginger head swipes in my direction. When he spots me, his gaze narrows. To my dismay, he turns around to face the bar without acknowledging me.

Has Alex just given me the cold shoulder?

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I’m surprised I manage to walk to Lydia’s table without a stumble. The waitress squeezes my shoulder before she leaves us, and Lydia eyes the gesture with interest.

I sit woodenly opposite, and a confused Lydia retraces my steps to the bar. Her pupils turn to pinpoints and she mouthsfuck. ‘I get why you get so flustered. He’s even hotter in person. And he was sex on legs in the photos.’ She cranes her neck to see better.

‘Don’t. How is it that, until this year, I hadn’t seen him for ten years and now he seems to be everywhere I go?’ I vent. I don’t tell her he gave me the cut when I walked past him because I’m embarrassed, and a part of me naively hopes that maybe he didn’t see me. I peruse the drinks menu to busy myself, pretending to be as engrossed in it as if it was the next book by Colleen Hoover. The satisfied feeling of victory over Aaron is gone.

‘Serendipity?’ Lydia offers.

‘Bad fortune more like it,’ I reply sourly.

‘I do have to say you’ve got good taste. I would have cowboy dreams about that bad boy any night.’

A waiter comes to take our order and clears their throat awkwardly. I think the ship calledDignityhas long sailed away with the rug.

I order some fancy-sounding fruity cocktail, and together we pick a few starters before we choose mains.

‘Is now the time to tell me why you’ve lugged a rug to the restaurant? I thought I’d give you a minute to catch your breath.’ She’s so unaffected when she says this, like this is totally normal behaviour, that I burst out laughing, and Lydia follows. She shakes her head. ‘Seriously, only you.’ Her words bring on another bout of laughter. I think I’m turning hysterical.

In between heaving, I confess, ‘I went to Aaron’s and threatened him with a solicitor if he didn’t pay me back.’

Her hand raises to fist bump me, and only because it’sLydia, I raise my fist to meet with hers. ‘Good for you, girl.’ Pride warms up my belly once again.

‘Did everyone see me with the rug?’ I scan my surroundings self-consciously and end up on Alex who’s on the phone, smiling. I freeze. I’ve never seen him looking this carefree and wonder, with a pang of jealousy, who’s transformed his face like that.

‘Nah. Only about half of the people here.’ She waves her hand in dismissal; she’s never cared about what people think.

When I ask her about how things are going in the love department, she surprises me by telling me about having TED Talk Ted over on Monday.

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