Page 46 of Still Falling for You

I must look confused because she explains, ‘I have my needs. There’s no big love written in the stars for me anyway, so I might as well enjoy some mediocre sex.’ She takes a sip from her glass of water before she elaborates, ‘We both know I’m not the sort of person who can ever completely fall head over heels or even be able to trust somebody on that level.’ Her tone is subdued, almost mournful.

‘That’s news to me. Are you suggesting that only a certain type of people fall in love because of their proclivity to trust?’ It’s a very sad outlook on life but sums up Lydia to the point.

Our conversation is interrupted by the waiter bringing our food and drinks. Everything smells divine, and the air around us fills with the scent of chillies and coriander. We tuck in, silent for a few moments.

‘I think it’s about the level of vulnerability you’re able to extend to the other person and your ability to trust.’ Lydia’s statement drips with resignation. She always seems like she’s above it all, but I wonder whether that’s not the case this time. ‘I’ve never been able to let go to the degree of giving it all.’

‘Would you like to be that person who gives it all?’

‘Maybe?’ She sounds uncertain for the first time. ‘I’m just tired of being alone, Hols. It would be nice, for once, to havesomeone to take care of me.’ I reach for her hand on the table, and she squeezes mine. Affection curls the corners of her lips upwards.

‘Then we’ll stay alone together.’ I assure her.

‘You know that Aaron was talking out of his arse when he called you an ice queen?’ Lydia says between two mouthfuls like she can read my mind.

She moves on to the sticky skewer starter as she nonchalantly finishes with, ‘You’ll find someone someday.’ With a suggestive wink, she tosses her head towards the bar.

I shake my head violently. ‘No way. He doesn’t feel like that, and I don’t feel like that, and anyway, there’s too much bad history between us.’

She sips slowly the margarita that she’s been working on since I got here. ‘So why does he keep looking in your direction every two minutes if he doesn’t feel like that?’ I flush at her comment. ‘Hols, you were teenagers. I did some bad shit when I was seventeen; everyone did. Not that I’m excusing him of the shit he did, but maybe he’s a different person now.’

I consider her words. ‘It wouldn’t matter anyway at this point. I think he’s angry with me because I basically ignored him after he gave me a mind-blowing orgasm.’ I change my mind. Again. I can’t keep up with my mental gymnastics these days. ‘But maybe I should listen to you and Catherine. Maybe I should apologise and just enjoy his company while it lasts at least,’ I babble on.

Before Lydia has a chance to really process my words, she gets distracted and gestures towards the bar. ‘New developments.’

Alex is joined by Jane, all prim and sexy in her burgundy dress and pointy glasses. Immediately, she gives him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. If I didn’t like Jane, I would wish her a slow, torturous death right now and the newborn propensity to violence shocks me to the core.

‘That’s Jane Trainer. The principal,’ I say tightly, all the bad thoughts swirling in my head like a solitary olive at the bottom of a dirty martini.

‘The principal he’s sleeping with according to the gossip?’ Lydia’s perfect eyebrows rise in question. She studies Jane as she leans over the counter and says something to the barmaid at which the black-haired female laughs. ‘They’re not sleeping together,’ Lydia announces enigmatically.

‘How do you know? Do you have a radar for that kind of thing?’ I shake my head. ‘Actually, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.’ She smirks, but then her expression is wiped clean.

‘They’re heading our way,’ Lydia grinds out through her teeth.

Off its own accord, my leg starts jiggling up and down when I connect the empty table next to us with their approaching figures. Alex is distinctly grey, his eyes glancing my way a few times before they settle on the ground.

‘Check out those posh shoes,’ Lydia exclaims.

‘She’s actually a nice person so please behave,’ I hiss.

She doesn’t acknowledge my words and carries on, ‘God, he’s not very happy to see you, is he? I sense pent-up resentment. What did you do to him on Friday?’ Lydia is right; he’s put off without a doubt. ‘Oh. It must be the whole you-ignoring-him-after-he-gave-you-a-good-ride-on-his-hand thing.’ My cheeks heat at her words.

Before I can compose myself, they’re upon us.

Jane is genuinely beaming at me while Alex looks like he’s just had all his wisdom teeth removed and was told that all his molars will have to go, too, but there’s no anaesthetic left.

‘Hi, Holly. So nice to see you here,’ Jane says kindly when they reach the table. She sends Alex a loaded look that he ignores. He nods our way, always the conversationalist.

It doesn’t escape me how his gaze snags on my red lips, anda wave of heat sweeps over me.

‘Should we get rid of the divider?’ Jane offers with cheer unusual for her, and Lydia agrees with an eagerness that is equally out of character. She’s enjoying this way too much. Alex’s expression turns so sour I almost laugh out loud. Jane snorts. ‘Don’t be a killjoy, Alex. The more the merrier.’

I’m gobsmacked because I’ve never seen anybody speak so frankly to him. I think Alex grumblesthe fewer the better fareunder his breath, but maybe I’ve imagined it. It doesn’t escape me that Lydia studies Jane with a new-found interest.

Once we push the divider out of the way, join our tables together and get seated, I introduce Lydia. ‘This is Lydia, my best friend. Lydia, this is Jane, the principal at my school, and Alex, my…’ My words fail for the shortest second, but Alex spots it as I finish, ‘my ECT mentor and vice head.’

‘So formal, Holly.’ Jane laughs. ‘Nice to meet you, Lydia,’ she says with warmth in her tone, and Lydia smirks like she knows something I don’t. They shake hands, and Lydia’s hand lingers a second too long.

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