Page 43 of Still Falling for You

‘Better than ten years ago?’ Catherine winks, and there’s a cheeky spark in her eyes.

I nod. ‘This was…’ I keep coming up short of words like I’m a printer running out of ink. ‘It was so carnal. So…’ I get frustrated with myself at the lack of eloquence and my stupidity at repeating the same mistakes.

Lydia looks like she’s ready to pat my shoulder, completely discounting my previous comment while Catherine is grinning from ear to ear.

Igrrrat their simpering reactions. ‘You’re my best friends. You should be telling me it’s a really bad idea. So why do I get the feeling the opposite is happening here?’ My mouth shapes into an involuntary smirk. I can’t help but whisper, ‘He said that he finds my clothes disturbingly sexy.’ Maybe they’re right. Why don’t I do the same and try to get Alex out of my system?

Catherine makes a surprised gurgle slash snort. ‘I miss this. Being a mum sucks. Most erotica happens when I manage to get an evening on Netflix and watchFifty Shades of Grey.’

‘Aaron used to hate how I dressed.’ I’m still stuck on the same thought. I can’t stop comparing the two men. ‘We never clicked sexually.’ I know I’ve lost this game because I’m making excuses to myself.

‘Alex seems like a more well-adjusted man who doesn’t seem to need to play at being a man.’

Alex hasn’t done anything bad per se. He said he wanted me, but he never said anything about feelings and definitely didn’t promise me anything.

‘What are you going to do when you go back to work tomorrow?’ Catherine asks after a few beats of silence.

‘I guess like any functioning adult, I’m going to pretend nothing happened but secretly wait for his reaction first and hope he still wants to take me to bed.’

At that, they both burst out laughing, and I can’t help but follow. I guess I’ve made my decision. The idea of Alex in my bed starts palpitations in my chest, and I need to swallow a few times because I’m suddenly parched.

‘Dinner’s ready,’ Richard’s voice booms from the kitchen.

‘Good old Rich. I’m ravenous,’ Lydia says suggestively. Catherine only shakes her head.

19

On Monday, I go back to work, feeling apprehensive about the onslaught of gossip that’s bound to hit me after Friday, but it’s surprisingly quiet. John barely looks my way, and Danielle doesn’t even say good morning to me when she passes me in the corridor. They don’t come to see me during lunch, nor do they stop to chat at the end of the day. I think our pretend friendship is truly over, but I can’t find it in myself to feel disappointed.

Alex is visiting another school in the trust, and a part of me that is a tad self-centred is taking it personally. Is he avoiding me? My suspicion grows when the next day, Alex works from home. For the first time, doubt creeps in. Maybe I shouldn’t have ignored him the way I did after he had his hand down my knickers.

Vicky messages me and asks how things are at work. I don’t have the strength to tell her what happened, so I keep my answers vague. It’s strange how she’s been in touch more since I told her about Alex.

At the end of Tuesday, Jane calls me to her office. When I walk in, she’s speedily tapping away on her laptop, her plum nails clicking away like she’s an automaton. She’s always efficient and professional, but she’s also kind of nice. Last month, when I couldn’t meet a deadline because I was getting the trip plans together, she put it back by two weeks.

She pushes the laptop to the side and motions for me to sit on the padded blue seat opposite her desk.

‘How are you settling in?’ she enquires once I’m seated.

‘OK,’ I say with hesitation. Is this the point where she informs me that I have to find a new position and finish my ECT somewhere else? Has Alex filled her ears with poison after Friday? Feeling nervous, I cross my legs.

‘I hear from Alex you’ve been an exceptional addition to our staff,’ Jane shares, clasping her hands on the polished desk.

‘Is that so?’ I scoff in disbelief before I manage to stop myself. I feel like the villain here.

At my doubtful look, her lip twitches. ‘I know. Alex has always been…’ She searches for an accurate, and no doubt politically correct, word. ‘…austere with praise, but he means well. He said you’ve been the most dedicated mentee he’s had and that you have a great relationship with your pupils.’

When she delivers this, I have to school my expression to keep a modicum of professionalism. I think that once again I’ve gotten him wrong. I nod because I’m not sure what to say to this.

The strangest expression flits across her features. Her eyes framed by dark lashes turn almost soft behind her glasses.

She sweeps her hands to her lap and leans towards me. ‘Can I be direct with you please?’ She doesn’t give me a chance to respond and continues, ‘I want to give you my assurances.’ She measures her next words. I’ve never seen her this careful, and it’s making me agitated. ‘If for whatever reason Alex being your mentor isn’t viable anymore, I can assign you a different mentor.If you’re concerned about your position here, you shouldn’t be.’

Is she saying that I haven’t been as professional as I thought I had been where Alex is concerned? Mortification shrinks my internal organs to raisins. Or worse, has Alex suggested this? A small part of me considers her offer, but I can’t imagine going through another mentor. I must reluctantly admit, as mentors go, Alex has been a good one.

‘No, why? Has Alex said something?’

‘Alex, confiding in me on matters that aren’t strictly professional without duress?’ She snorts, which makes me startle. I didn’t think she was capable of snorting. However, she has summed up Alex accurately.

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