Page 44 of Still Falling for You

‘Anyway.’ She checks her watch. ‘If there’s ever anything you want to talk about, I’m here.’ She gives me one of her X-ray looks before I’m released.

The rest of the day is uneventful and almost boring without the constant threat of Alex walking into my classroom or the prospect of bumping into him in the corridor.

On Wednesday, I know Alex is around, and my suspicions that he’s avoiding me are confirmed. Usually, he pops into my class at least once a day. When he’s not randomly visiting my class, he’s outside during the afternoon break, but he’s nowhere to be seen.

Developing stalker tendencies, I walk past his office a few times and peer through the glass slit that decorates the middle of the door, but his chair is empty.

At the end of the day, his car is the first one gone from the car park despite Alex usually working until six like me. My nerves are tattered.

I go home early because I’m going for dinner with Lydia to check out a new Thai restaurant she got vouchers for at work that are about to expire. I spend the early evening attempting to make my place look more agreeable by strategically placing potted plants that I salvaged from the bungalow to hide some of the worst carpet stains. But it seems that the place will forever defy feng shui.

I get vexed all over again when I remember the nice hessian rug that I laid in the hallway of the bungalow. It took me weeks to find the right colour, and I got it for a good price. It would look perfect here. Determined for once to get what I want, I message Aaron.I want the hessian rug and the matching rattan mats. I’m picking them up in 30 minutes.

As soon as the message is sent, it feels like there’s nothing as important as getting the stupid rug. Replaying our last conversation in the café makes me crave victory over Aaron in any way I can get it. I’m done with him walking all over me.

I put mascara and red lipstick on and smooth my bob. I finish my look with a white shirt and tight jeans with black cowboy boots, channelling Mia fromPulp Fiction.

I book a taxi with a stopover at the bungalow before I chicken out. A message that my driver, Rocher, is here pings on my phone ten minutes later.

Rocher turns out to be a very chatty middle-aged woman who talks incessantly about her dog, a mixed breed of long-haired chihuahua and Jack Russell whose picture has a prime spot on her dashboard.

I text my mother that I will meet her on Saturday for a coffee at M&S because I refuse to go home and confront my dad, but it’s not fair to avoid her because she hasn’t done anything wrong. She only replies,OK, darlingwhich is very tight-lipped of her, but I guess she’s shell-shocked. I’ve never considered how she would feel when she found out that I knew all along. My heart is laden with guilt, which makes me hate my dad evenmore.

Rocher stops by a curb in front of the familiar bungalow and lets the car rev.

I knock impatiently on the door, however, it’s not Aaron who opens it, but Eva dressed in ugly pyjamas with ice cream cones on, stuffing herself with a chocolate biscuit. Her hair is sloppily piled up on top of her head and when my gaze travels down her body, her belly is even more rounded than the last time I saw her. I tighten my hands into fists. I’ve got this.

She shifts her weight from foot to foot before she fleetingly scans the street over my shoulder like she’s expecting me to make a scene. I wonder what Aaron has told her about me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he painted me as a villain of the Grand High Witch calibre, anything to ease his consciousness.

‘I’m here to pick up a rug and a couple of mats,’ I inform her coolly. I straighten my back and end up almost a head taller than her. She brushes crumbs off her pyjama top. I can tell from the submissive angle of her shoulders she’s not a confrontational person, but for the first time in my life, I don’t care how my actions make her feel because I’m done accommodating other people’s feelings and suppressing mine in the process.

‘Aaron didn’t tell me anything about you stopping by. He’s on the phone in the bedroom.’ She seems a little unsure, her eyes flying towards where the bedroom is.

‘He’s never been exactly organised. My taxi is waiting so I would appreciate it if you got a move on.’ I wave towards the bored-looking taxi driver. I don’t think I’ve ever been this hostile to anybody, but it’s been a trying couple of weeks.

I’ve worked her out right because she disappears behind the door. I wait long moments until I hear shuffling and some strained breathing. Doubt creeps in. Maybe I should have thought this through. Am I so hateful to let a pregnant woman heft a heavy rug? Also, how am I going to stuff it in the taxi anyway? I guess that’s a problem for future Holly. Determination forgesmy body into a rod of steel. Even if I have to walk to the Thai place, I will have the rug.

Strained voices from behind the door travel to my ear, and when the door opens again, an enraged Aaron is standing in the doorway, dressed in sweatpants. I guess the standards are really slipping. He refused to wear anything classed asloungewearwhen we were together. He’s looking more tired than the last time I saw him.

‘This is highly inappropriate. You could have at least waited for my reply,’ he complains. Eva is peeking from behind his shoulder.

‘Honey, we don’t like the rug anyway,’ she starts, but he interjects, ‘If you think you can barge in here anytime, you’re wrong.’

I put my hands up, and he surprisingly shuts up.

‘Stop talking,’ I command forcefully, bolstered by confidence I have no clue where I’ve found.

‘I’ve had enough of you interrupting me. And I’ve had enough of your bullshit. I refuse to suffer the consequences of you being a shitty person.’

He’s completely gobsmacked. After all, I’ve never spoken to him like this. I’ve always been easy-going. He’s about to speak, but I take a step towards him, and he backs off. I don’t know what has possessed me, but it feels good. ‘I’m speaking and you’re listening. I can see that you haven’t changed. Still bossy and insensitive and selfish. Do you know why I never gave you all that you needed? Because you’re not a child, you’re a man. Stop looking for somebody to be your mother and a girlfriend. It’s pathetic.’

He turns tomato red, and his cheeks puff up like a hamster’s.

‘Now, my solicitor will be in touch with you to sort out my money because you haven’t had the initiative or decency to do so yourself.’

Aaron slouches. He knows he doesn’t stand a chance. I’vewon.

I train my eyes on Eva. ‘I want my rug. I could ask for half of the kitchen cabinets, the bed or the cooker that I paid for but I’m not that petty.’

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