Page 26 of Orri

My heart's broken into a million pieces — again — but hey, who's counting? It's not like this is the first time I've been stuck in a situation like this. I'll put on a happy face and smile for everyone else. It's what they expect.

After too many nights crying and talking with the other girls, I've made up my mind. I can't stay here. There's too many memories. Too much hurt. And having to see...him...on a day-to-day basis makes me want to puke.

I've had a few more dizzy spells, but nothing as serious as that first one. I chalk it up to stress and the fact that I haven't felt like eating much. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. Besides, I had panic attacks back on Earth, too. Maybe that's all this is.

Whatever the reason, I'm back at the agency, trying to hold back tears and pleading with Orvox to get me off this planet.

"There have to be other races, other matches, correct? It doesn't have to be here on Aesirheim?" The more desperate words only ring in my head.Anything. Anything will do. Anywhere but here.

"It's certainly possible, but it is unusual..." Orvox frowns, looking me up and down. "And we'd need to run a full battery of tests of course, to make sure you're healthy enough for discharge. You’ve already been given the omega serum here.”

I'm hardly listening, just nodding along. "Fine. I just...I can't do this anymore."

Orvox, for her part, isn't judgmental or nosy. She has that sense of eerie mother-like authority, and it makes me feel safe. "You're not the first to have gotten cold feet," she says, tapping away at her tablet. "I can re-route you, if that's what you truly wish, but you'll have to return to Earth to await re-assignment. Will you be all right with that?"

Earth. I tense up for a moment, thinking of the man I literally left Earth to escape. Adik - an abusive, worthless excuse for a man who wanted to own me and control me like a doll instead of a person. I shudder. "And what happens after that?" I ask, just to keep the conversation going.

"There's a transport coming in shortly, so you're in luck. A few traders and a new shipment of omegas will be disembarking, and you'll be able to catch a ride on the return trip today if you like."

Today. So soon. Am I really ready to make this kind of decision?

To leave behind this world — these people — who have become like family to me? I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block out all the pain.

Earth didn't work out. Aesirheim didn't work out. Third times the charm?

"You don't have to decide right this moment," Orvox assures me. "But here's what we'll do. I'll take your blood sample now, and you can go get packed. Then meet me at the space dock and pending your test results, I'll sign the release for you to get on the shuttle back to Earth. Deal?"

I swallow the lump in my throat. It's incredibly generous. More than I deserve, really. But I still feel like something is missing. Something just out of reach, that I can't put my finger on.

"Come here, dear." Orvox extends her spindly arms in a surprisingly warm gesture. "You've been through so much. I only wish we could have gotten there sooner." She trails off, lost in some thought of her own. I sniff away the building tears and step into Orvox's embrace. Her skin is strangely cold and smooth, a contrast to the man-shaped furnaces their males turn out to be. Still, it's the care behind it that counts. With such a powerful alien holding me like this, I can almost believe that I'll be all right.

"Now, let me just get your blood sample, then I'll let you go pack. If you change your mind, you can call me at any time. Remember that." She draws away, a sad smile on her face. "I wish you all the best, Isabella."

"Thanks." And I do mean it. She's been more supportive than most of the people in my life have, but that's not saying a lot. And even though it will hurt to say goodbye to her and the friends I've made here on Aesirheim, maybe it's for the best to start over. I can wipe the slate clean again. I ignore the pain in my heart.

* * *

Packing doesn't take long.It's not like I brought a lot of stuff with me to begin with, seeing how I was trying to sneak off-planet as soon as possible to escape my toxic ex. I feared what he might do if he ever found out what I'd done. Going back to Earth came with its own set of fears and challenges, but Orvox assured me that I'd be staying in the center until I could be reassigned. Their security was top-notch, she promised, and it could be as little as two or three days before they found a new match for me.

Not a lot of time for things to go wrong. That's what I tried to remind myself, anyway.

I take the last shirt out of the drawer and something clatters to the floor. I bend down to pick it up and my heart thuds a little harder. The coral that Bjornick picked for me from our trip to the beach. And I see something else, too. Sticking out from under the dresser, just barely visible. A corner of white fabric.

Curious, I pull on it. Out comes one of Orri's tunics. Wrinkled and a bit dusty, but still saturated with his scent. My mouth drops open. How did this get there? It must have gotten pushed under the dresser and he'd forgotten it when he...

My heart sinks. My stomach cramps. When he left.

I stare at the garment for a few long moments. Almost hoping that it holds the answers I so desperately seek. But the shirt is just a shirt, at the end of the day. And if it has any secrets to tell, it's not giving them up to me. I sigh and look around nervously. There's no one else in the house, but just in case...

I bring the fabric to my nose and sniff, letting it fill my senses one last time. I remember his strength and his softness. His confidence and his caring. The way he held me when I cried. The way he gripped me so tightly, needfully, almost —

But then I remember the way he looked at me when I told him I was in love with him. The hurt behind those eyes. And the way he looked as he walked out that door for the last time.

Tears fall and splatter onto the fabric. With a huff, I ball it up and stuff it into the suitcase along with the coral piece. One memento from Bjornick. One from Orri.

Two men I'll never forget, for two very different reasons. And two reminders of what could have been.

So with a sigh, I hoist the suitcase upright and roll it to the door, leaving that life behind me.

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