Page 27 of Rathgar

“Are these for me?” I ask, smiling down at her. I can’t help but smile when I’m around her. I tell myself that it’s because children are so rare for our race, we’ve learned to treasure them above all else.

But this goes beyond duty. When she looks up at me with those soft, innocent eyes and calls out her nickname for me, my heart melts just a little more.

“Let’s get you cleaned up.” I take her into my arms and we go to the washroom together.

As I gently wash Iris from head to toe, my heart continues to pound and thump in my chest. A sharp zing like a shock races down my spine and travels to each of my fingers and toes. I’m utterly powerless and vulnerable before this little girl, and that’s perhaps the most damning revelation of all.

I told myself I wouldn’t get involved. Neither of us planned for forever.

But my heart, and my body, seem to have other ideas.

I need some time to clear my head. To understand these new and unfamiliar feelings. After making sure that Janie and Iris are settled, I excuse myself and head to the training ground, hoping that the physical activity will do me some good.

Because if I really am falling for her — if she’s really my heart-mate? That changes everything.

“Thought I’d find you here.”

I’m halfway through a punishing set of drills when I hear Soren’s footsteps approach. I don’t even have to look behind me. I know it’s him.

I let my weapon drop, shoulders sagging with exhaustion and breath coming out in ragged gasps. I don’t turn to face him. Not yet.

“Something’s bothering you.” Again, it’s not a question. Soren and I have fought together longer than any of the others. When you’ve worked together for so long, you pick up on things.

I press my lips together, not willing to admit it. With a cry I lunge at the target again, trying to let the pain and exertion cloud over everything else. Trying to lose myself to battle, just like I always did before.

Then Soren’s hand falls on my shoulder. “Rathgar.” His intonation changes instantly, no longer a friend, but a commander.

I turn to him at last, straightening my posture and giving him our salute. “Sir.”

Soren’s face remains stoic. Only his eyes give away the concern within. “What brings you all the way out here? Surely I thought you’d be spending time with your omega. You must have missed her very much.”

I swallow. There’s no getting around it, was there? I chew on the words for a moment, still unsure what to say. How can I articulate the utter storm of emotions and fears bubbling through me? How can anyone understand?

“Can I…ask you something?” I say at last.

Soren nods. “Speak freely.”

Once those words cross my lips, I know there’s no going back. But if anyone knows what I’m going through, it’s Soren. “How did…” I furrow my brow and break eye contact, my face flushing. “How did you know? About Lara, I mean.”

Soren tilts his head. His eyes tell me he already knows what I’m going to say, however. “What about her?”

Damn him, he wants to make me say it. Out loud. “How did you know that you were in love?”

Soren chuckles. A knowing smile spreads across his face. “Now that’s quite the question. That’s what’s got you all tied up in knots?”

There was no use hiding it any longer. “Yeah.”

“Come on.” His voice was softer now. Kinder. “Let’s get a drink. You look like you could use one.”

“Yeah,” I say at last. Some of the weight lifts off my shoulders just at the offering. I’m not exactly good at talking about my feelings, and to do so with my commanding officer? I didn’t know what to expect.

But he was more than just my boss. He was my best friend, and my brother in all but blood. We looked out for one another, no matter what happened. And that included matters of the heart.

So I put down my weapon, cleaned up the mess I’d made, and followed Soren to the tavern, hoping to find some answers — or at least, some clarity.

“She’s a special one, you know. Janie.” Soren says over a full mug of dark Aesir ale. It sparks and fizzles on the tongue before going down smooth. One of my favorites, and a staple when we were deployed.

“She is.” Special. That was one way to put it. I could think of a million other words to describe what she did to me, but none of them could come close to the truth. “I just…never expected to get paired with her. Never expected to be part of this program at all. I was only doing this for you, remember?”

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