Page 58 of It Should Have Been Me

Tommy:Yo, Damon, can you pull that interview? We’ll play it right after the traffic report. What’s your other fav, Brit?

Britney:It’s a snippet from when you guys had the lunchtime show. That segment you used to do...On The Spot With Scott.

That gets my attention, and I almost choke on my coffee. Scott had a slot on her show? How did I not know about this? The question only plagues me for a second before I realize it’s probably because of that stupid pact they made.

Isa:Which one in particular are you looking for?

Brit:It’s the one where he was going around asking people if they thought they could find love on online dating apps and he talked to a woman...Kiara, I think it was, or maybe it was Kiesha, and she kept getting those unsolicited dong pics.

Tommy: Yes. Yes! Yes! I love that one. It definitely ranks in my top ten. Brit, babe, thanks for the request, but we have to love and leave you as we hand over to Sydney for the traffic. What are the roads looking like, Syd? Give us good news. Please tell us that the 5 is accident-free this morning.

Sydney:There is in fact a three-car pile-up on the infamous I-5 heading toward Lynwood. Expect about a thirty-minute delay.

Isa:Can people just learn to drive in this city?

I barely pay attention to the traffic report as I head upstairs to brush my teeth. Jingles of commercials float through the speakers, and they play two songs before the interview with the author is aired. It’s hilarious listening to Tommy fumble around, making it very obvious to everyone that he hadn’t read the book. As time draws on, my heart rate increases. I hate to admit it, but I’m excited to hear Scott’s snippet, and I’m anxiously waiting for them to get to it. They play another song before I finally hear his voice. I haven’t seen or heard from him in three days and my heart flutters listening to him.

Scott:Isa, Tommy, how’re you guys doing this afternoon?

Isa:Great. Where are you today, Scott?

Scott:I’m here at Manhattan Beach, soaking up the sun, and I just found my first unsuspecting victim. Hi, ma’am. What’s your name?

Caller:It’s...it’s Kiesha. Who are you?

Scott:Hi, Kiesha. You’re live on...The Spot with Scott (stilted pause). Guys, that sounds cornier every time. Do I have to say that?

Isa:Yes! Own it, Scott.

Scott:Fine. Kiesha, you’re live on KRXM. Say hi to the team in the studio.

Kiesha:Uh...hi.

Isa:Hey, Kiesha. Welcome to the show. Today we’re discussing whether it’s possible to find love through a dating app or social media. Scott is our man on the ground, getting the opinion from the regular person on the street. Now, be as candid as you like. We hold nothing back on this show. What are your thoughts? Can you find love in the digital world?

Kiesha:Hell no! Single men these days be trippin’. They don’t know how to treat a lady. They just be sliding into your DMs with their dicks all hanging out.

Tommy:I’m going to be honest. That sounds like a fun time to me.

Kiesha:You think so until you get thirty of them. You see a man looking fine as hell. Suave and groomed and respectable. You think: Mmmm, that’s a zaddy right there. You send him a message saying: Hey there, sweet thang. How about a movie on Thursday night? What do you get back? Dick pic!

Sydney: Preach it, sister. I know exactly what you mean.

Kiesha:You see that guy with a cute baby face, looking sweet with that boy next door charm. You send him a message saying: Let’s go out for breakfast sometime. What do you get back? Dick pic...with a ‘do you want to put this sausage in your mouth?’

Sydney: Is it weird that I just got hungry?

Isa:Is there ever a time when you’renothungry?

Scott:Maybe it’s not a bad thing. You get to see what’s under the hood before you take the car out for a spin.

It’s evident from the tone of Scott’s voice that he is desperately trying to hold back a laugh, and he sounds so cute that it draws more laughter out of me, too.

Kiesha:You see that guy on your screen, looking like he just walked off the cover of GQ magazine, all chiseled and sexy. You send him a message saying: Hi, I’d like to get to know you better and what do you get?

Scott:Let me guess. Dick pic.

Kiesha:Dick. Fucking. Pic!

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