Page 33 of It Should Have Been Me

I said that just to shut him up again, but I’m not sure it worked because there’s an odd grin on his face, and I can’t quite read it. I was expecting more of a reaction from him. I just had to convince myself to remain neutral despite my juvenile jealousy, and the only response I get is a tight jaw. That’s a sign that he’s pissed off, but it’s hard to tell because he covers it easily with a lazy smile. Scott is not the jealous type either, but he’s very possessive, so this behavior is strange to me.

“What’s that weird smirk on your face, Soldier?”

“Just thinking.”

“About?”

“I’m thinking about when the wordsniceandgreatbecame the adjectives you use to describe sex?”

“What’s wrong with great?” Even I can hear the defensiveness in my voice. “Great is agreatword. And my sex life is the epitome of greatness.”

I said the last bit to wipe the smug smirk off his face, but instead, it grows wider, and his cockiness starts to show.

“A day at the beach isgreat. Dinner wasgreat. Trader Joe’s customer service isgreat. There are much better adjectives for sex. Maybe it’s been so long that you don’t remember. You want me to remind you of whatmind-blowingfeels like, Cat?” His tone is playful with a hint of arrogance, but the brazen lust burning in those blue orbs is very serious. The way his skin heats up beneath my palms is very real. “Maybe you forgot whathot...” His eyes drop to my mouth and my body stiffens with anticipation. “...sweaty...” My nipples perk up. “...mind-blowingsex feels like. I’ll happily reacquaint you, make you scream until your lungs burn...” He lowers his lips to whisper in my ear. “...fuck you until your legs are numb.”

With every word, I feel myself getting wetter, my breathing becoming more erratic. My body is in a state of lecherous chaos, and he got me into this state without even touching me. I’m aching to have his hands on me. I’m trying to steady myself and regain my balance on this very wobbly precipice. I’m on the verge of tumbling over and doing something I’ll regret.

“You up for it, Cat?” He subtly shifts his hips, his erection pressing harder against me, and I bite my lip to stop a moan. “I think you can feel that I’mupfor it.”

I take a few seconds and talk myself away from the ledge. “Raincheck.” It was supposed to come out as bored and indifferent, but instead, I sound breathless and a tad needy, so I clear my throat. “I could get the same effect from a good run, so I’ll save my lungs and legs for my morning jog tomorrow.”

“Suit yourself.” He smiles like he already knew rejection was coming. “But if you’re gonna deny me mind-blowing sex, can I at least get ten minutes alone with Starla and Carla?”

“I hate those names...and it’s a no for that, too.”

“C’mon, Grinchy. Just let me cop a feel.”

“I’ll let you gropeoneboob.”

“Really?”

“No! Get off me.”

“Fine.” He lifts off me, retrieves the bowl of popcorn, and sets it down in front of us before making himself comfortable, lying on his stomach beside me. “Guess I’ll just have to hang out with your cranky ass for the rest of the night. Boobs would’ve made it worth it.”

I toss over onto my stomach as well. “The only thing that makes being around you slightly bearable is the candy. I’d be long gone were it not for the Jelly Bellies.”

He picks out a chocolate pudding bean, our favorite flavor, and hands it to me like it’s a peace offering even though we weren’t fighting. I accept it before grabbing another handful of popcorn.

We settle in to watch the rest of the movie, and I take in a slow, silent breath. Today has taken me on a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Scott has drawn out so many feelings from me in the space of a few hours. I don’t fully understand the dynamics of this new relationship we find ourselves in. I hated the awkward tension and stiltedness, but us being this comfortable around each other is proving to be more problematic.

I’m in a relationship, and I shouldn’t be engaging in this kind of behavior with another man, my ex-fiancé no less. I think this is about as much of a catch-up as I’m going to allow myself to have with Scott. I’m just going to go back to my original plan of avoiding him unless it’s absolutely necessary.

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